Light Your Spark

There are so many things that we should be grateful for in our lives, but often we are so lost in the shadows of things we don't believe to be working in our favor to truly see how fortunate and blessed we really are. Heavy handed sentence? Yeah. I know.

I'm currently sitting in my Starbucks in Seocho, listening to random Korean conversations, beeps from the micro-oven, espresso machines and do I detect Rufus Wainwright amid the noise? But this is what it is. We are lost in the noise. The imbalance of what isn't that we can barely strain to hear what is.

But is it really worth it to be grateful for things when we could just be sad? I know, you read that right. Some people just want to be sad. I used to be that way. I wanted to be this tragic character, that everyone wanted to save. But no one ever did. Do you know why? Because I didn't want to save myself. Life is not meant to be some tragic series of events where you are stuck in a prison, waiting for someone to recognize how much you're worth so that they will save you. Life is not meant to be lived in a prison. And the saddest, yet most empowering thing was when I realized that I was stuck in this prison, and I had the keys, the map, the way out...and I had it all of the time. I could have left at any time. But I didn't see it until I accepted who I was. And loved me for it. For all of my scars. For all of my flaws. And do you know what? Those scars? What I found to be so ugly? They were beautiful. And they always have been.

I had to see the value in me. I couldn't before. I spent YEARS blaming others for locking me away. But I never looked out the window to see how many people were standing vigil, waiting for me to return to them. The interesting thing? They never wavered. They never left. But locked in that prison, I couldn't see or hear their songs, their candles that would have lit up the sky if only I would allow myself to see it. My eyes were on the locked door that lead to the hallway, yearning to be rescued. "Why aren't they storming the gates?" I would ask. "Why don't they care?" All the while, they were singing, "Why doesn't she free herself? Why doesn't she care about herself?"

I know I'm not alone in what I experienced. But to those of you who haven't seen the key that has always been on your side of the door: It's there. Grab it. It's real. It's not a trick. And when you see it. Realize your worth. Be grateful. As you are leaving this graveyard of a prison, you will pass by others who are screaming, "Why aren't they storming the gates?! Why don't they care?!" You can't open their door--the lock is on the inside. They will not hear you say that they are loved. They will not listen because they do not believe. But when you exit this prison, you will walk and join those who have waited. You will embrace. And they will hand you a candle, and you will sing with them for the others who are still there.

You will feel a range of emotions. Sorrow for lost time, but immense joy for being brought out into the love and light. But just know, that time was never truly wasted. You can use this prison tale, and you can write about it in a blog, sing about it in a song, paint the pain in a picture, and you can be a light to someone else in the dark. You were meant to shine. So it's time to light your spark.