Monday, May 17, 2010

It is finished.

So it's been a while, has it not, Dear Readers?

All apologies.

Graduation...Commencement...It's all done. My friends and family have left and now I'm just sitting here at my Mom's house, reflecting on the past, what was it? 42 days?

Much has happened--not all will be written about. But I am very blessed to have met so many amazing people, to have learned from the most brilliant professors, and for my base of friends and family to be solid. I did not waver, I did not falter. I actually graduated.


I know this is a short entry...but I do have to go.

We'll talk more, I promise.

xox
c

Friday, April 2, 2010

42 days, 3 hours, 14 minutes

42 days. Simply 42 days.

The proverbial four years have been reduced to 42 days. I wonder how they will play out.

Incase you're wondering what I'm talking about, I'm graduating in 42 days. But, ya know...who's counting?

I still have many miles before I sleep--so there is no slacking off during this last semester. It just feels weird to be finally getting where I have always needed to be. Perhaps I will always feel like I'm playing catch-up, unless I actually start believing what I've told everyone else, "Every flower blooms at her/his own speed." I don't want to make it seem as I don't believe in the advice that I give my friends--I just always feel behind regardless of it.

Midterms went over quite well. I just need to focus on getting things done as far as research. I wish I had taken more classes in my other semesters at Roosevelt so I would not have had to take a full five classes to graduate, but these things happen for specific reasons. And I do enjoy all of my classes.

With the China trip out of the way, I feel I am able to focus on these research projects that will be due in the coming weeks. I need to keep the momentum going. Then I'll be done, planning my goodbyes, and plotting my course to get to Korea.
I'm also contemplating studying for and taking the GRE when I'm out of school, before I go to Korea. It will be one less thing to worry about. And then I'll have to get the portfolio together for the MFA schools, and boost those scores for the PhD schools.
There is much that needs to be done after graduation...but all of that will come after these 42 days.

Sunday, March 28, 2010

Oh baby, just you shut your mouth.






Oh oh oh ooohhh little China girl...

So I'm back from a 14 day excursion to China--I went to Beijing, Xi'an, and Shanghai. And now I can't sleep.

I don't sleep well on planes because there is just too much stimulation. On the ride over to Seoul (where we changed planes), I watched Twilight: New Moon, CSI: NY, Whip It, The Fantastic Mr. Fox as well as played a video game and listened to some music.
On the way home, I watched: The Imaginarium of Dr. Parnassus, Did You Hear About The Morgans?, CSI: NY, America's Funniest Home Videos, and I listened to some music as well as The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes by Sir Arrthur Conan Doyle. I kept falling asleep while watching Crazy Heart--which is not to say that I didn't like the movie, I was just tired. I had planned to do some reading on the plane but my row mates were sleeping and I didn't want to turn on the light to bother them. So I sat and watched movies while a little boy kicked my seat for 12 hours. Okay, it wasn't 12 hours, but it was a freakin' lot. I know it is tough to travel with children, and I did give the father and the boy some stern looks. I was just too exhausted to do anything about it.

Aside from the flight to and fro, I thought China was a pretty amazing place. I don't know if I'd live there, since I wouldn't be able to blog and have facebook (I'm amazed I lasted for 2 weeks without it), but I would definitely go back to visit. Especially Xi'an and Shanghai. I felt we didn't have enough time in Shanghai while we were there--it's a pretty big city and I'd like to explore it some more...but I want to actually know some mandarin when I go back so I don't get cheated by the taxi drivers.

I promise to post more stories about China later. Just know that it was an awesome trip and I'm glad to be back home.

xox
c

Friday, February 26, 2010

Too Good Not to Share...






Are you troubled by the thought that you might be a writer? If you can answer "true" to more than five of these questions, you could be right.

a) You brought your pen and notebook to bed with you on your wedding night.

b) At least 90% of your friends and relatives are no longer speaking to you.

c) The furious scratching of your pen has gotten you kicked out of a public place.

d) You dream in chapters.

e) You've stared at a blank screen for more than four hours.

f) You have the option of wallpapering at least one room in your house with rejection slips.

g) You've lied about your current occupation on a resume, listing something other than "writer."

h) You get excited by paperclip sales.

i) You secretly stalk editors.

j) You've written on yourself with indelible ink because there was nothing else available.

k) You've rewritten a Shakespearean play because you thought you could make improvements.

l) You have strong masochistic tendencies.

m) Rejection has always been a personal goal.

n) Your dentist has advised you to stop chewing pencil erasers.

o) Your first name is Patience.

p) Your last name is Writer.

q) You've furtively taken drive-by pictures of your favorite author's house (this could also be an indication that you're a stalker - you'll want to watch that).

r) You copyright your grocery lists.

s) You prefer bookstores to chocolate shops.

t) You spend more on postage than you do on rent.

u) You've gotten a traffic ticket for writing while driving.

v) You've never felt the need to mind your own business.

w) The smell of ink makes you swoon.

x) Scrabble is the only game in your closet.

y) Discovering anagrams is the only way you can truly relax.

z) Improving your vocabulary is always on your list of New Years Resolutions.

aa) Someone has said: "Step away from the keyboard" to you while using a bullhorn.

bb) You and your preschooler fight over the magnetic letters on your refrigerator.

cc) Your bathwater has turned your skin blue because your pen ran.

dd) Your journal is attached to your belt loops by a chain and padlock.

ee) You have a picture of a fountain pen tattooed anywhere on your body.

ff) You pour your heart and soul into your writing on a daily basis for no logical reason whatsoever.

Congratulations. You're officially insane. And probably broke.



credit where credit is due.

Friday, February 19, 2010

The Day Well Spent..

There's something to be said for staying in place.

When you're stationary you begin to realize what is important in your life. What really matters. And who matters even more.

Let it be known that I have really amazing friends. I know that everyone has at least one or two people they'd surely take a bullet for, but seriously...I have many that I'd lie down in traffic for...and I used to think that maybe it was my loyalty that brought this school of thought. As if this decision for friendship martyrdom solely relied upon me. While I was never quite sure that my friends wouldn't do the same for me mostly because they had never mentioned it--and I was rather happy with that assumption, to be honest--although, I believe I am the only one who would be morbid enough to protect my friends as if they were a President of the United States of Shea. I know it's weird. I never said that my ramblings made sense....just go along with it. I can honestly say that I have never truly been "in love" but I have experienced the love of friends that is so powerful it could jumpstart a heart--God knows it has done so to my own many times.

Today was a rather impromptu day--but the best days are.

I had planned on being at school in the morning to talk to some Freshmen about The Writing Center--give a brief presentation upon what we do at the Center and encourage the students to come see us. After my second class of this, I went to Loopy with my best friend Jess. We ended up getting lunch and while I knew I should have gone home to do some much needed housework, I chose to go with her to her new apartment and help her paint her bathroom. We talked, laughed, listened to Regina Spektor, and painted her bathroom this icy blue color...or at least that is what we thought was supposed to be the color...it was less icy than we thought. :)
When Jess's husband, Jeremy, came home, we went to Ikea, had dinner, and picked up new bookshelves, a curtain rod, curtains, and a palm tree named "Palmy." I got home about a forty-five minutes ago and I am just basking in the day well spent.

Life is but a series of impromptu moments. How will you answer?

Saturday, February 6, 2010

On death and things of that nature...

I should preface this post by revealing a huge nugget of me: I have the ability to be a very selfish person.

And I know what you're going to say---Christine, everyone has that ability. Move on. Next Fucking Case.

But moving on is never that simple.

Allow me to explain.

On Thursday I was playing around on Facebook and I noticed that a friend of mine had mentioned something about someone dying...and at first I thought it was some sort of joke. Surely not all jokes are this macabre, but I was also wasn't paying much attention to Facebook as I had a ton of reading to get through for my Staging Witchcraft Plays class...

Remember this, my friends. Always pay attention.

So after Staging Witchcraft Plays I met up with one of my best friends and we did an hour worth of yoga (first time ever, and I loved it!) and then we went to a zumba class (also first time and loved it!). When class was over I checked my phone to see what time it was and I noticed I had a text message from one of my best friends in Florida (yes, I have many best friends--just go along with me). She just said, "Mike Snellgrove passed away today."

I was a bit more awake when I got the news this second time around and here are the details about his death: He died from some sort of issue with his heart and is survived by his little girl.

Maybe I should give you some background on him...
In junior high and high school I severely disliked Mike Snellgrove. He had this attitude of superiority and he put forth the notion that he was, indeed, God's gift to women. This made me feel incredibly uncomfortable because I always felt that he wanted something if he came to talk to me. So I was sarcastic and made jokes at his expense...especially to his face and he seemed to really enjoy it, which made me even more infuriated. In the social constructs of high school, he really had no business talking to me--he was the popular one, and I, was not. After high school ended I chose who I kept in contact with and whom I didn't. Up until Myspace and Facebook.
A few months ago, Mike asked to be my friend on Facebook and to be honest, I didn't have a problem with his request. I have surely grown as a woman and I'm sure that he has changed as well. I found him to be a really smart, caring individual who had a beautiful little girl--and he was crazy about her. He also coached cheerleading for little girls and joined the military. He just really came into his element and it made me proud for him. I wish I had known this Mike Snellgrove--and perhaps he didn't change all that much...perhaps it is really me who grew up. Of course, none of this matters now.
On Wednesday, Mike had posted a status update on Facebook that described his excitement for his first day on leave and getting to see his little girl. And he died the next day.

My heart and prayers go out to his family, friends, and especially his daughter. That goes without saying. But I'm sad that I didn't know him better--the way that all these other people did...maybe I was just too much of a bitch to care about these people. I was wrong. For years I thought that these people acted like they were better than me...perhaps it was the other way around. I just don't know what to feel--I am sad for those aforementioned people, but I feel like Senator Kennedy's death had more of an impact on me, or even J.D. Salinger's recent passing...and those two men didn't know me at all--and Mike did. What does this say about me as a person? And am I wrong for seemingly making this about me instead of him?

One thing that has been on my mind since Thursday night is the issue of my own mortality. My mother always remarks that when a parent dies, the son or daughter have this self realization that their number is closer to being called. And while Mike is not my parent--he was my age. I am not one to argue with God about His decisions of how much time we all have here on Earth--and I truly believe that it is better to be in Heaven than to be on Earth, I just don't understand how death like this occurs (and yes, I realize that Mike is not the first young person to die). It's just that he had plans. I can speculate about how he would have loved to see his daughter's first date, witness her graduate high school and college and then perhaps walk her down the aisle. They've both been robbed of those memories...At 30, I don't know what I would do if I lost my Dad, and I worry about it quite often. What if he doesn't get to meet the man I decide to spend the rest of my life with? What if he is not around to see my first child? (This is all hypothetical..I am nowhere near marriage, nor motherhood). I can't even begin to imagine what is and what will be going though his little girl's head.

So, Mike. I am sorry we didn't really know each other. And while I may not be able to grieve in the same manner as those who knew you better, I leave you with these words from Walt Whitman: "... there is nothing to be commiserated,
I do not commiserate, I congratulate you."

Requiescat in pace, Michael.

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Who Dares to Say

So my family (on my mother's side) has, what we like to call, email wars. Mostly political stuff--my cousin is more of an anarchist but aligns himself more along with conservatives and my uncle is a republican. My mother, sister, and I are all liberals (although my mother describes herself as a conservative liberal).
As I was going through the day's emails, I got really irritated by three little words. My mother and my sister were explaining why it is that we will never vote for a conservative...here is the low down...

When I was but a kid, my Dad had an okay job at Eastern Airlines. When he graduated high school, he went into the Navy and upon his return, he entered into the work force--working for Eastern Airlines at Boston's Logan Airport. He transferred to Atlanta, met my mom, got married and had two amazing little girls. Tired of living in Georgia (with a fear that his darling daughters might have a southern accent), we moved to Florida and he transferred with Eastern...this was in 1987. And shortly after, our plot thickens. Frank Lorenzo, the then owner of Continental Airlines, bought Eastern. And when Frank Lorenzo was raping Eastern Airlines, stealing from them, giving it to his other airlines, President Bush (Sr) didn't not intervene because Frank Lorenzo had given A LOT of money to his campaign. When the Union was forced to strike, it was the secretary of transportations JOB to step in and resolve it. Elizabeth Dole, who held that position at the time, did not. What my d\Dad was making was inconsequencial to what happened. The fact is my dad had 20+ years with them and will never see a dime of the retirement that he paid into, because the way the system was set up, Dad was essentially paying his money to the guys who had already retired, and the guys paying in now, would be paying his. Obviously, there is no one paying in anymore. He got Union strike pay, and I'm pretty sure it was $175 every 2 weeks. There was no reason why food stamps should have been unavailable to us. They make rule exceptions all the time in times of need. Bush could have stepped in on that one too. He chose not to. There are laws in effect to protect workers from things like this, the union is there to help facilitate their protection. That is why we hate republicans, there is nothing that anyone can say to change that, and we will never vote for one as long as blood is coursing through our veins. To us, they are vile through and through, only care about themselves, big business and money.
This is what my sister wrote to explain our view points...but shortly after, Mom stepped in:

Bush did step in. He penalized Eastern Airlines workers by mandating that they would not be allowed to receive food stamps, unemployment, health care and the whole lot. He also said they were barred from applying for government jobs.

To the Union Haters that are reading this:

The IAM (international association of machinists) chose to go on strike BECAUSE....
Frank Lorenzo was allowed to buy Eastern Airlines from President/Astronaut Frank Borman. He bought it with JUNK BONDS. After taking control, he sold off Eastern's Assets, like hotels around the world. He poured the money into his own airline, Continental.

He then took Eastern's computer system, Systems 1 and bought it for 10 million dollars from EAL. He didn't have to pay that back to them for 20 years and in the meantime started charging them 1 million dollars a month to use the system.

I could go on and on. Because of these shenanigans, the pilots honored the IAM strike as did the flight attendants. Everyone knew they had been 'franked' again.

Frank Borman, and his 92 Vice Presidents were a financial drain. Everyone likes to blame the labor costs, but their salaries were 100 times the cost of a union worker. Larry never even made what we called the industry standard, like Delta, United, American workers did. In fact, we lived with wage freezes most of the time.
Delta did an ad that showed how their employees donated enough money back to the company to buy a new jet. Eastern responded with an ad that said "Our employees have donated enough in wage concessions to purchase 13 jets!" and it was true.

The only good thing to come out of all of this is that Frank Lorenzo was never allowed to run an airline again. It is said he went after Eastern because as a young man, he was fired at his job at Eastern Airlines.

This all happened 21 years ago this March 4th. What our president did to us and the 33,000 families at Eastern Airlines was evidenced by his cronyism and his devotion to the rich, not the working class Americans.

So now you know the background...

To all of this the conservative answer to these emails were these three little words: "Get over it."

This infuriated me. Getting over it is easier said than done. The mere fact that someone is telling us to get over something really enrages me; simply because by saying it lessens our struggle--as if it doesn't matter at all. It does matter.
I agree that hatred will only breeds more hate...but what does indifference bring? I will not be ignorant of those mistakes that were made. I will not be indifferent to the bullshit that occurred. I will not just sit there and say, "oh..yeah..I'm over this.." because I'm not. I don't think I ever will be--but you know what? I take that fire, that passion, that "hatred" and I use it to exercise my vote. I tell the fat cats from both parties what I want. I turn that anger and put it into something positive.

There is a Fenian poem titled "Who Dares to Say" and it calls Irish Nationalists together in recognition of things past and how we're to react in the future...I love this poem--and I'm going to share it with you. I have no idea who wrote it and if I do find out, I will let you know. In reading both of the emails my mom and sister sent as well as this poem, you will better understand me as a person, writer, and woman. Enjoy.


Who Dares to Say

Who dares to say forget the past to men of Irish birth?
Who dares to say cease fighting for our place upon this earth?|
Let remembrance be our watchword and our dead we'll never fail,
Let their graves be to us as milestones on that blood soaked one-way trail.
Remember how Owen Roe fought, port Leister mill beside
No man can say a coward fell, when Hugh O'Donnell died
Remember Ruadh and Sarsfield and forget whoever will,
That glorious stand at Limerick at Kilnacadin Hill.
How Emmett's gallant handful in historic Dublin town,
Came out to give their challenge to the forces of the crown.
And then for a time twas silence.
Was Ireland's struggle done?
The answers in the negative, thundered many a fenian gun.
And then when England thought she'd won,
That we at last were meek,
Roared forth a glorious challenge Of the men of Easter week.
Remember how our soldiers fought the scum of many lands,
Fought the scum of British prisons, and Britain's Black and Tans.
And then by men we trusted, this land of ours was sold.
They sold our friends to enemies as Judas did of old.
Remember how in Kerry they butchered our lads like swine.
God, think of Ballyseedy where they tied them to a mine!
How Rory and Liam, Dick and Joe to glut the imperial beast,
Were murdered while in prison On our Blessed Lady's Feast.

How an overworked revolver,as he rushed from that hotel,
Rode a rebel's last defiance,as Cathal Brugha fell.
Hear we not the voice of Connolly, the workers soldier friend?
The conquered soul asserts itself and we shall rise again!
For freedom, Yes! and not to starve and not for rocks or clay,
But for the lives of Ireland's working class We fight and die today.
And what, says Cathal Brugha, if the last man's on the ground,
If he's lying weak and helpless and his enemies ring him round,
If he's fired his last bullet, if he's fired his last shot
And they say "Come into the empire"
He should answer-I will not!
Then back, back to that one-way trail
Ní sía ceangal saoirse is the war cry of the Gael
While our country stands beside us with the blood of martyrs set,
Wayside crosses to remind us
Who dares to say forget?
While Emmett's tomb is uninscribed,
Until we our rights assert,
Until our country takes its place,
Among the nations of the earth.