Holy Bloggerton Batman! It's another post!

Greetings Dear Readers!

It's the first day of December and I'm feeling rather chipper--I finished my grading earlier than I had anticipated, worked on a few more projects for school, and have had a great amount of coffee! Carpe Diem? HA! Carpe Caffeine!

But here I am, on a glorious Thursday morning...ish...drinking coffee at my local Starbucks (as if I'd be any place else) and Fleet Foxes has come on the sound system. Sounds like a good day to me.

What's going on with the book, you ask? Oh...you didn't ask? Well, I'm going to tell you anyway.

Things are moving along--I had a meeting yesterday with my team and we are considering splitting the novel into two books for marketing purposes. This will also give me more time to write the second (or really, if the split happens the third) installment of the series, making the series longer. There are a lot of pros and cons that need to be weighed but ultimately we will decide what's to happen soon. I'll keep you posted.

It's getting colder these days (you know, December and all that) and it seems that Fall fell flat on it's face. Too much soju, I presume. But with winter upon us, I'm doing my best to stay warm. I don't generally get cold very easily but the word around the campfire is that this one is going to be a doozy---a frozen doozy. Hopefully my winters spent in Chicago will have prepared me for it--God knows Florida didn't. Hehehe

Considering the fact that I haven't written here in quite sometime (save for my election post last month), allow me to briefly catch you up on my 2016...

January-- I had the worst sinus infection of my life while I was visiting Florida. But I got to see my family and even the extended family from Massachusetts came down for a spell.

February--Not much happened here save for a conversation with Kat that sparked something big: A European Vacay! I was lamenting to Kat that my birthday was going to land ON Chuseok day (Korean Thanksgiving for those outside of the ROK) this year. It went a little something like this:

Me: OMG! My birthday is going to be on Chuseok day! No one will come to celebrate my birthday this year because most of my ex-pat people will probably travel and both you and Annie will be with your families."
Kat: Actually I'm going to be in Europe.
Me: Well, fine. You're going to be in Europe.
Kat: Yeah. I'll be on a cruise and I'll be docking into Rome on your birthday--it's the final destination.
Me: ...Cool...
Kat: Hey! You have vacation time, yeah? Come meet me!
Me: OKAY!

March--Hey! Wrote the second blog post of the year... Go read it if you haven't. It's cool. I'll wait.
Around this time I started helping my cousin's boyfriend's father (Mike) with a story he wrote. Just wanted another pair of eyes and some small editing and it rather rejuvenated me after finishing the book back in December '15. He and his family live in Athens and offered to treat me if ever I was in the area.

April-- Talked with Kat about meeting up in Rome. She asked where else I wanted to travel and of course I said a Greek island. My mother would disown me if I went to Italy and not anywhere near Greece. Since Kat had already been to Santorini, I suggested Crete as I have friends who frequently travel there from England, and my mom has been there once before.

While I was in Chicago for Christmas, I met up with my dear friend h. and she and I had a lunch date. Since she is a writer, I poured my heart and brain out to her about how I was at my wits end with the ending of the novel. In just talking to her, I was able to figure out a new ending by shifting things around and BOOM! I had my ending. I am eternally grateful for that lunch date and her--but I realized that something was missing. I didn't have writer friends in Seoul. I had joined a writers group called Seoul Writers' Collective back in July of 2015 but only went to one meeting because I was incredibly busy editing and couldn't devote the time.
Once I came back to Seoul, I decided it was time to get active again. I saw two announcements for workshops with the group but for some reason couldn't make it to the meetings. Finally, a message was sent out to all of the members of this meet up group in April--the organizer was stepping down and unless someone took it over in ten days, the group would be finished.

So, after attending one meeting prior, I stepped up as the organizer.


May--Itinerary was on it's way to being finalized--2 full days in Rome, 5 days in Crete, 1 day in Athens, and then back to Seoul.

Also, had my first meet up with the Seoul Writers' Collective (SWC). Boy was I ever green, but I put on my game face and powered through. ^^

I believe this was when I finally came to Wordsmiths to perform--and boy, that was amazing. I've performed twice now and the reception has always been so positive. ^~^


June-- Mindset: SAVEMONEYSAVEMONEYSAVEMONEY. Also: WORKWORKWORKWORKWORK

July--Robyn came to teach for the summer! I had a great time reconnecting with her and trying to dodge the heat. I met some really amazing people in Chungcheong and we bonded over good food, writing, and copious amounts of laughter.

August-- Mindset: OMGOMGOMGIMGOINGTOEUROPE! Also: SAVEMONEYSAVEMONEYSAVEMONEY! And then of course there was: WORKWORKWORKWORKWORK.

September-- Happy Birthday to MEE! Had a fabulous few days in Rome, an AH-MAY-ZING time in Crete, and connected with my roots in Athens. Kat and I finally got to meet Nathalie's husband, Drew, on our last day in Rome and he is just such a delight. The architecture and city of Rome is just breathtaking. I will return for sure and dive deeper on my next visit.
We flew from Rome to Crete but had a 7.5 hour layover in Athens. So Mike, my cousin's boyfriend's father (can there be a longer identifier? yeeesh) offered to pick us up at the airport, allow us to freshen up, have a light Greek lunch and then relax until our flight for Crete. A. Light. Greek. Lunch. LIGHT. Mike's family went all out for us--homemade moussaka, Greek salad (with olives from their groves and made oil they made), sausages, pork chops, rice, AND dessert. LIGHT. GREEK. LUNCH. He said. Aiiiigooo! Incidentally my cousin Kathryn (who lives with my mom and stepfather in Chicago) was visiting Andreas (the boyfriend) and they picked us up from the airport and I got to spend time with my family in another country, which was weird but very cool.
Crete was absolutely beautiful and much needed after all the traveling and running around we did in Rome. Nothing was planned save for a winery tour and a trip to Elafonissi Beach. We stayed in Chania (pronounced Han-ya, because Greek) in a house from AirBNB that was super close to the port. Kathryn and Andreas came to Crete a few days later and we all hung out again, so that was nice.^^
Once we reached Athens, I was kinda surprised at how dirty the city is. But when I saw the ruins, I was overcome with emotion. They were absolutely stunning. I won't lie, I cried a bit--I thought about how long it took me to get to Greece and how I made it happen by myself, for myself. And I released those tears because I knew I had given myself a great gift.

I got sick when I came back from Athens--too much flying about in metal tubes, I assume. But I nursed myself back to help rather quickly. Here are some photos from the trip.. ^^

October-- After the culmination of going to Europe, everything seems to pale in comparison. I continued organizing the SWC and have been improving in my leadership skills. Yay for professional development! ^^
Also--Yay for the Cubs! Who knew!?

November--Ahh...And then there was November. Which to be honest, kinda sucked, save for Thanksgiving. The election really sucked a lot of positivity out of me and I'm doing my best to recover, cuz I gotta be on my grind, as it were. In November, the book team proposed that we split the book and now we're in deep consideration. We'll probably know the definitive answer come December.

In other writing news, in November I took on the role of Editor-in-Chief for Nexcite Magazine, a new community magazine that will have its first issue out in January 2017. If you're in the Yongsan area during January, pick one up and read my editorial page! tee hee hee


And December! Here we are. On the 10th, Annie--THE bestie, will be celebrating her birthday at Bennett's Bar in Itaewon and also holding a female empowerment event called #THATSMYBAG Exhibition. I'm super pumped about it! Basically, 130 blank canvas eco bags have been given to women all over Seoul and they are going to decorate them in the theme of "Female Empowerment."
At 8 pm on December 10th, we are displaying the bags so everyone can see them. Then we head to Ming for the afterparty. It's gonna be a good night. ^^ If you're in Seoul, Please come! It's not just an event for women--men are always invited. Empowering women doesn't take away power from men--but actually frees us all of a patriarchal mindset of what we HAVE to be. Allies and partners are the way to succeed in this ^~^

Also, Christmas. I love Christmas! As I said in an earlier blog post, it's a reminder of good things that are coming. And I can't wait for the good!


So there you have it folks. The year in review--there was a lot of growth for me, both professionally and personally. I've gone from completing the novel, organizing a writing workshop group, traveling, becoming an editor AND being a senior teacher/community liaison at my hagwon.

So yeah...things are good.

How are you? ;)

Love and Light.

CM

Wanted: A Ray of Hope

In the wake of this election, I have been going through a lot of emotions. I'm a teacher, so I have to keep up a happy face at work, when all I want to do is kick, and scream, and shout. My friends have been a God-send to me but ultimately they cannot take away the burden of what I'm feeling.

I'm afraid. I'm really afraid. I'm afraid for my brothers and sisters throughout the world who are LBGT+, Muslims, and minorities. I'm afraid for women. I'm afraid for anyone who is going to be on the list of Trump's agenda. The whole rhetoric of "First they came for the socialists," keeps ringing in my ears. These are terrifying times.

And I really, really want to give you hope, dear reader. But I'm looking around and I'm not finding anything to give you that will satisfy the hunger in your belly. And I'm sorry.

Aside from the American political hole we're in, Korea is also dealing with their own presidential woes. If you haven't read about it, you can do so here. So yeah, it's been a very edgy few weeks, to put it mildly.

And yes, I always tend to get tremendously homesick around this time of year. Thanksgiving was always a great holiday for my family and I miss them. Maybe next year I will finagle a trip home for Thanksgiving--we'll see. ^^

So yeah.

I've been a little depressed, to say the least. And I've been keeping myself there because I was just so exhausted. I even told a friend this: "I'm sad for this election. I'm sad for Korea. I'm sad because I'm trying to find something to be hopeful about. I'm sad because I'm lashing out at people for stupid things. I'm sad because I feel too much and if I begin to express any of it, I'm told to toughen up. I just need time to deal with it all, I guess. And I'm not afforded that."

Yeah... you were guessing that was coming, huh?

But you know, I'm just exhausted from feeling this way. And I've been looking for hope in any place I could find it.

And then my dear friend Yv posted something on IG:

Randomly walking home. Saw all these police lights down the road. Then out of nowhere I hear "Out of the way! Christmas Tree coming through!" I thought I was losing my mind. Nope. #rockerfellertree #IntheHeights

A video posted by Yvonne (@whyvoni) on Nov 11, 2016 at 8:17pm PST

And I was reminded. Christmas is coming!

When I was a little girl, I would tell my mom that I wanted something and she would respond in a sing songy voice, "Christmas is Coming!" And yeah, maybe it was not so satisfying hearing that at a young age because I really wanted whatever it was that was going to prove my worth to my peers. But now? Hearing it reminds me that something better is coming.

Seeing the Rockerfeller tree coming down the street on a big semi, it reminds me that no matter what, there is goodness. There is connection. There are families. There is a city that will come together and sing songs. And for me personally, it's a reminder that I have a Savior and I will celebrate His birth. And in times like these, my faith is what I need to cling to.
So there it is, my ray of "hope." My "yes we can." My "change I can believe in." And that's how I can move "forward."


Love and Light to you all.

Hello From the Other Side. . .

Hello . . . It' me . . . I was wondering if after these ten months you'd still be reading.

Yes. Hello from the other side indeed.

So yeah. It's been ten months since I've written to you, and I promise it has been for good reason why I've been away. Teaching took a lot of my time, as it usually does, and I met a plethora of amazing people last year who have kept me busy. I spent most of my writing time simply editing the final draft of the novel, and I went home for the holidays. That's simply the overview--let's dive deeper, shall we?

I had amazing students last year and they really helped me to learn so much more about education. I've found that I become better when I simply ask questions and listen to my students--at all ages, they are truly brilliant and are honest in how they feel about their lives. I have always been fascinated by peoples' stories--who they are, why they are, where they've been and what they will become. I love it! Perhaps thats one of the reasons why I listen to so many story based podcasts (This American Life, Snap Judgement, etc). I love those snippets of human existence--especially for the connection found through stories. I recently discovered Alec Baldwin's podcast entitled "Here's the Thing." I really like his podcast because he interviews really interesting people (celebrities, policy makers, writers, etc) and has real and open conversations with them. Plus, hello, it's Alec Baldwin--King of voices!

Speaking of stories (Nice transition, eh?), I FINISHED IT! I FINISHED THE BOOK! Okay. Sorry. Yes, so I finished the novel I've been writing for four and a half years. I completed it on December 31st--as was my deadline and I would be remiss if I didn't thank Holly (h. Anne Stoj) for her help on the final part. I was struggling (as all writers do) with how to end the first book and while having lunch, I finally figured out how the book was supposed to end. Through this whole process, I of course have to thank Ben Hauser, Lee Rose, Jeff Yu-Cho, Mee Joo Rose, Dan Ryu, Marilyn Rose and Bill Hauser for their guidance and expertise in this. It's been quite a journey of self discovery that was not without a lot tears and gritting of teeth.

Writing a book is not easy--and anyone who says otherwise is either selling something or fooling themselves. It is a journey that many never finish, but when you do, you realize how greatly you have dared and you hold your head high yet low enough to remain humble. It's like nothing else I have ever felt--and before I finished this book, I would have never imagined it would feel this. I assumed I would feel relief, resting in the fact that it is done. But quite the opposite. I feel invigorated. Now it's just a last run through of grammar spot checking and making sure the plot flows. I'm excited to think about how I will move forward into the next book, but I am still happy about enjoying the time that I have to write to you here.

I realized a few things while writing this book--and if I could give you unsolicited advice, it would be to make sure you have a support system. Fill it with writers as well as readers. Lean on them and support them too. Now that I finished the first book, and before I go into writing the second book, I am going to make more of an effort to find other writers in the expat community and really make some strong connections. There is a writer meet up that happens in Seoul every few weeks so I plan on being more involved with that group to bounce off ideas and be a resource to them as well. You never know were inspiration will come from--you just have to put yourself out there and work hard to make something happen.

All in all, 2015 was a year of strides for me, and I hope it was for you as well. I feel like 2016 is going to be even more exciting and i'm excited to see what I will write in each month/chapter. ^~^

Happy 2016, my dear readers! Love and Light to you all!

Updates from 2014-2015. The Book. And Marriage.

No, not my marriage. Don't get nervous. ^^

It seems that every time I come back to this space, I am in a mood to apologize and promise. Apologize for spending so much time away. Promise that I will be better. And yet, here we are, again. I'm sorry. I'll try to do better.

Life, as you all know, tends to get in the way of blogging. And unless you're passion is this form of written entertainment, have a lot of time. or are considering this your ticket to fame and (mis)fortune, there isn't much one can do about it.

I enjoy writing on this platform so that my dear friends back home can view my thoughts on life in Korea or just simply catch up by reading instead of figuring out times tables to coordinate phone calls. I'd like to see that added to an SAT question:

If your friend lives in Korea, and you live in an state that is in the EST district, how long will it be till one of you figures out how to set up a time and actually talk?

Hahah I don't know what I'd do without my iPhone's "world clock" but sometimes I still mess it up, because I was an English major and doing any sort of math is like slaying a dragon of sorts. Besides, what are calculators for?

This, of course, is not a rant at my friends who I haven't talked to in a while. Far from it. Just mere observations on my end about my inability to write to you on this here bloggity blog and pick up a phone.

So that being said . . .

HI!

Things have been pretty busy since I last wrote to you all in **cough cough** July. . .(아이고)

So let's see. Still teaching. Still editing. Still loving Korea. I chopped my hair off again and dyed it blond. Finally updated my beat up, ratchety iPhone 4S and got the new iPhone 6 Plus...and I love it. I've been doing lots of work on me: meditation, prayer, spiritual reading, podcasts and the like. I'm learning lots of things about me and how to love me--which I know sounds strange, but trust. It's been a struggle for many years.

Aside from that, one of my favorite people on the planet, Sweet B, came to Seoul last year to work at the hagwon's summer camp. It was absolutely fabulous (wink!) and we had a great time reconnecting and just living it up as only Pats and Eddy could. I miss her everyday and while I know that we will always be friends, its hard to not see your favorite people more often.

There were some comings and goings of friends--which is only natural. Some were just naturally ready to leave Korea and I wish them all the love and support in their new ventures. Others left my life for other reasons, but all's well that ends well. ^^

And then there is the book. Ah. Yes. Zee book.

The book has been going well-it is just a long one, over 200 word doc pages at the moment and there is lots to edit. My mom had actually called me about it and said "Be honest," which is her way of calling me out. "You haven't written anything, have you?" Books take a long time to write and an even longer time to edit. I want it to be successful. I want this to do well. I've gone to two different fortune tellers in Korea who have told my book is going to be huge and I'll be famous (YAY!) they also said that I will be married within two years. So watch for that too. ㅋㅋㅋ

Speaking of marriage---2015 seems to be the year of matrimony, and here I thought it was the year of the Sheep. So many of my friends here are getting married! Lee and Mee Joo got hitched last month (Lee works for both the hagwon I teach at as well as a key member to ProtoStar, who is making my whole book deal possible) and his lovely bride Mee Joo (MJ for short) is my editor. Much love and happiness to the both of them on their new adventure together.

My friends Sarah and Kyu Ho are getting married in like two weeks. If you haven't checked out their youtube and Instagram accounts, I don't know what you're waiting for. Consider this your formal invitation. Get on it.

On the same day that Sarah and Kyu get married, my friends Nik and Jiyi are getting married. At the same time. Jeeeez.

Then at the end of this month, two friends who have been together for over ten years are finally going to stroll down the aisle after getting the nod from her parents! Sometimes Korea can be a pretty conservative place. As fast as it has grown up, the country struggles to embrace the future while holding tight to their traditions. But as in every Disney faerie tale, True Love Conquers All! Huzzah!


Anywho...that's about all I got. I have to get back to editing and grading so I can enjoy this beautiful 70 degree weather!

Mwah mwah mwah!

c

:::waves:::

It's been quite sometime since I've visited you all on zee blog. Sorry about that. Life tends to get in the way of everything and I sit here wondering "Hey, remember that blog you use to write? You gonna do something with that again?"

So yeah. Sorry.

If you follow astrology at all, you've probably heard of this Mercury retrograde stuff. And if you don't follow it, there is this thing called Mercury retrograde and it was basically screwing up everyone's lives. So if you felt odd during the months of May-June then that's what was happening in the good ol' universe. Well, thank God that it's friggin' over because damn, life kinda sucked for those two months. Now, July is here, and everything is on the up and up! HUZZAH!

My dear sweet friend, B, has come back to Korea for the summer, just in time for the humidity to sink in. Our summer camp starts at the end of July and I'm super pumped to be working along side of her again.

Last month I participated in this Kimchi study where I was given lunch and dinner for 10 days to study the effects of kimchi on a person who didn't grow up eating it. It was delicious (except for the fish--blarg) and healthy, plus it was free food. ^^ Pictures are up on Instagram if you care to see the yummy meals.

Oh--and if you've been redirected here because of Instagram, Welcome! ^^

July has been pretty fabulous thus far. Birthday parties. Birthday brunches. Hair cuts. Nails. Reconnecting with old friends. Making new ones. And lots of picture taking.

On the book front...oh yeah...remember that book I was writing. Still editing. And editing. And editing. But there is progress that is being made and I'm super excited about it. Since February I have been working with this amazing editor who has really helped me to shape the story and challenge me as a writer. I'm so blessed and thankful for her.


The sad thing about this time of year, is that because the spring term is ending so soon (like next week!!) it means that I'm going to be saying goodbye to some really special people. One of these is my friend Robyn, who has been here for 19 months and I wish it could be a lot longer. You should peep her blog too--she is truly more diligent than I am and I'm amazed by her discipline to get stuff done. I have learned a lot from her (and I could stand to learn a whole lot more) but I'm thankful with the time I've gotten to know her and for the times we spent together.

So that's it, for now my dears. I hope to update more this week, as I will need a break from my report card writing. For reals.

Stay excellent!

MWAH!

Oh, Hey! How's it going?

I've started a journey.

That's usually what people say when they are beginning something new. "Starting" a "Journey." Maybe it's because we want to put an emphasis on closing a part in our lives. Taking a new path. Moving forward.

Weren't we already on a journey? Starting a journey means that we weren't on one before. Just because you've felt stagnant doesn't mean you weren't already on a route. Maybe you were just on the wrong path.

And I was.

I've done some pretty unhealthy things in the past few years but this year I decided no more. I turned my back on that road because I have seen what lies ahead. And I couldn't keep lying to myself about it.

My biggest changes? I stopped smoking and I crossed over from my boot camp regiment to CrossFit. I was happy doing boot camp and I surely loved the coaches and people in the class. So why the switch? I needed something more. I needed something that was going to scare the bajeezus out of me. It was something that I always thought about doing but was so intimidated by, so I locked up that little dream in a box and placed it on the unattainable dream shelf.

Over the Christmas holiday break, I got a message from Kat (one of my best friends and also the most amazing CrossFit coach you will ever be inspired by) and basically said that it was time for me to make the switch. The box in which I tucked that dream away began to rattle.

Finally, when I came back to the gym after a long time away, a friend and fellow CrossFitter said,"You're signing up for On Ramp." On Ramp is the 9 class course you must take in order to be a part of the CrossFit class. The box suddenly power dove to the ground, breaking the "unattainable dreams" box forever.

So I took the bait. I drank the kool aid. And here I am. Five weeks into CrossFit. And I've never felt happier.

So...how have you been?

The month and a Half Long Silence...Did this just get weird?

So here is an update upon yours truly and just where I've been since we've last met.

I left Seoul for the states on Christmas Day (just for a visit, don't get nervous), flying from Seoul to Tokyo, Tokyo to San Francisco, and San Francisco to Chicago. It was nuts. The first leg of the trip was fabulous. The flight wasn't full and I got the whole row of three seats to myself. Score!
Once I got to Japan, things took a different turn. The plane was late arriving from Bangkok and that made me literally 2 minutes too late to catch my flight once I arrived in San Fran. I cried while I was in the security line that helped me to move a little faster to get to my gate. I didn't do it to manipulate anyone, I was just so frustrated. But did it allow people to be a bit nicer to me? Absolutely.
When I got to my gate, the gate agent gave me attitude and asked why I couldn't make it to the gate on time. I burst into tears again. Through tears I explained my situation and she quickly changed her demeanor. I ended up getting on a 1:30 flight and then arrived in Chicago at 8:30, instead of 5:30.

Christmas dinner was awesome. Turkey. Broccoli casserole. Stuffing. Mashed potatoes. Yum. ^^

My time in Illinois was spent mostly with family but I did get some quality time in with my friends. And there was lots and lots of shopping. ^^ Oddly enough, the only time I went downtown was when I was with my friend Holly. We took the blue line in and I showed her the wonderment that is the Harold T. Washington Library. It's one of my favorite places in Chicago. We had dinner at The Walnut Room, which is located in the Macy's on State Street. If you've never been to Chicago, this Macy's (formerly Marshall Fields) is an ENTIRE city block. Now that I am thinking of it, I should have picked up some Frango mints...oh well. I will just have to go home more often. After dinner, we made our way to Navy Pier to see The Merry Wives of Windsor at the Chicago Shakespeare Theatre. It was utterly fabulous! I ended up running into one of my English Professors from Roosevelt, Dr. Larry Howe, and I chatted with him for a bit. I wish I would have had the time to go to RU to see the rest of my profs, but again, that will happen on my next trip home.
Aside from seeing Holly, one of my most favorite people in the world, Patsy (it's a fake name, get over it. ^^) came down from Madison to spend the weekend. Pats and I met in Seoul, teaching for the same school. We had a truly ab fab weekend and just shopped, ate, and gabbed.
The next friends I met up with were Steve and Jenn. It's so lovely to see such a lovely couple navigating their way through marriage, life, and all that falls in between. I'm so happy for the two of you.

While spending time with family, I ended up getting my mother hooked on Korean dramas. She is almost finished with Secret Garden now and she is loving every second of it. She even bought the soundtrack to it. It was a nice thing to do since it was so frigid in Chiberia, ahem, excuse me, Chicago. It was brutally cold this winter. I'm just happy that I was able to get a new winter coat while I was home.

On January 9th, I arrived in Florida, rented a car, and drove to my sister's house, which is literally a block and a half away from my Dad's house. It's nice to know that my niece and nephews have access to their papa and grandma just like Melissa and I did to our Yia Yia.
My dad had no idea I was coming in on that Thursday. I wanted to surprise him (I've often done this). He thought I was coming in on Friday, and since I was renting a car, I told him that I didn't need to be picked up. My stepmother told him to take the day off, but he adamantly refused because I didn't need the ride. Then she messaged me on FB to say, "Tell your dad that something happened and you need him to pick you up." So I did. ^^
When he got home from work, I hid in the corner of his office, where he wouldn't normally look and when he said he had a rough day, I piped in saying, "Well, it can always get better." ^^ It did get better, in case you were wondering.

The weather was really fabulous in Florida, but even if it wasn't, it was still better than what the temperatures were in Chiberia. I only went to the beach one day, and yes, I wore jeans. I'm not a beach girl. Whatevs. I just wanted to sit on the sand and look out at the horizon. Unfortunately, they are doing so much construction on the beach due to the erosion that was caused by storms/hurricanes that it took away from some of the ambiance.

While in Florida, I only saw three of my friends as I started to feel ill on the last full day in Florida. I was very thankful to see Joey, Sam, and Nathalie. I wish I could have seen more of my friends but again, I will be back more often so there will be time for that.

I did spend a lot of time with my nephews and niece, which was fantastic. I went to Disney World with the two little ones and we had a family freeze out...er...camp out. I really did enjoy the Florida leg of my trip and I was happy to be amongst my family again. While I was there, my paternal grandmother passed away, which rocked me. I wasn't expecting it at all and I had no idea how badly her health had been declining. There, of course, is no ill will toward my family for not letting me know about this. If any of them are reading this right now, I just want to stress the importance of communication. We only have one family. And if we cannot talk to this one family, what can we hope to accomplish? Families aren't perfect. They aren't meant to be, unless it is on some black and white TV show found on TV Land. My dear readers, talk to your families. Drop your ego and your pain. It doesn't define you. You are so much better than that. (Note: to victims of abuse, I am not saying that you should strike up a relationship with the person who abused you--but I am saying that you are more powerful than you think that you are. Do what you can to move past your pain and seek healing. I know this is not easy, but you will thank yourself, and you never know who you could inspire along the way.)

Anyway...Florida was fun and I was glad to break away from the snow. Once I got back to Chicago, I was ready to begin packing for the Seoul exodus, part II.

I had a nice day and a half spent with my mom before I headed back to Asia (only this time, without so many connections). The greatest thing about it was that my mom was pushing me to go through my old stuff at the storage shed that she and my father had saved for me. The statement, "I'll only be gone for a year!" resonated in the car as we drove down to the storage facility. We pulled bag after bag of clothes and shoes and brought them back to the house. As I opened each one, I was reminded of the fashion sense (if you could call it that--I'd venture to call it armor) that I had just three years ago. There were a plethora of hoodies of bands that I either don't listen to anymore or have broken up since I've been in Korea. There were so many pieces of clothing that just didn't fit me anymore--not physically, but spiritually. They belonged to some other girl. Some other girl that never thought she could be feminine or cared if she was well-dressed. The girl who was fine with being underdressed. I am not her anymore.

Did the Land of the Morning Calm change me that much?

Yeah. It did.

And it made it that much easier to throw those old rags away. I'm not that person anymore. And it felt so great.

I hope you are all able to shed some negative image of yourself this year as eel embark on 2014. It's not too late. Plus, with the lunar new year, you get a second chance! (It was just last week, so don't delay!)

Love and Light!

Reborn

Three years ago I stepped off a plane at Incheon Airport in Seoul, not knowing what I was exactly doing. Who I was then is certainly not who I am now. And I am forever grateful for that fact.

Weeks leading up to the initial departure of myself I had trouble breathing. I would be completely calm and then I would feel my heart begin to race. I couldn't take in sufficient oxygen to satisfy my lungs and I would stop and think, "what is wrong with me?"

I went to the Google doctor and diagnosed myself as having panic attacks. I didn't understand why I was panicking. Wasn't this what I had always planned on doing after I finished university? I was going to be reunited with two of my best friends from my adolescent-hood and I had planned to pay off my student loans, go on to grad school, then earn my doctorate like so many of my fellow English majors from Roosevelt University.

I realize now they weren't panic attacks. They were labor pains.

Well, not labor-labor pains. Allow me to explain.

I was about to be reborn. I was leaving the care of my mother and entering into a completely new world where I would have to fend for myself. Make friends. Learn a new language. Be misunderstood. Learn how to walk. Everything that goes along with a becoming a part of a strange, new society.

When I emerged from customs and saw Kat for the first time in years, we hugged. And like any newborn baby, I cried. I remember Kat asking me why I burst into tears. I just said that I didn't know. Because I didn't. I had no idea what was about to happen to me. Either did she. I don't think anyone knew, save for God.

The first years of childhood are all sorts of exciting. New places, new faces, it was all so fascinating. I knew from the first month of teaching that I wanted to be here as long as they would have me. I liked teaching. I liked being a part of an activist community (Mad love and respect for my V-DAY Crew).

I've learned much more about myself than I actually did in my real childhood. I learned how to live. How to love. How to be a better writer. A better teacher. A better human. These lessons were invaluable. And I'm still learning.

My mom would always tell me that getting a college education would provide me with the credentials I needed for my future. I used to think she was just trying to motivate me to finish school. In actuality, she was cheering me on to earn my own birth certificate. After all, I wouldn't be in Korea if it weren't for that piece of paper.

It's funny how everything is 20/20 in hindsight.

I won't say that there weren't missteps. There were always missteps. But with each stumble, I laughed. I didn't judge myself. And I picked myself up. My dad says that people don't count how many times you get knocked down, just how many times you don't get up. I thought I understood that as to never give up. To always get back up. And it is. But it isn't. I think the real truth is that even though we stumble, we should get up being thankful for it--because it brings you back to your goal. To your win. And when you accomplish what you came to do, someone will raise your hand and shout, "Winner!"

In fifteen days I will be heading back to Chicago and Florida for a month. Just a month. And I am excited to share who I was always meant to be with my family and friends back in the states. Much more that what blog posts, long distance phone calls, and status updates can bring.

But as excited as I am to get back to my family. I'm equally, if not more so, excited to get back to Seoul. My home.

Last year, I wrote a poetically written blog post about being in Korea. But as I set out to go back to the states after three years of living abroad, I know that Korea is not just a place where I am living. It is living inside of me.

Carrie Bradshaw, a fictional character--yes, I know; would always write about her great love. Not Big. Not Aiden. But New York City. She loved that city. And I totally understand her. Maybe I'll find an Aiden and a Mr. Big. But throughout all of it, I will always be in love with this city. My home. My Seoul.

Some say that true love is rare to find in this world. I don't know about that. What I do know is that, I hope all of you have a love like this. I hope you all have a place where you truly belong.

Finding my Shadow

I saw my shadow this morning as I was traipsing across the street to head to my favorite Starbucks to grade papers and enjoy a venti americano.

I don't normally enjoy looking at my shadow. It represents a false self. It lags behind, reminding me of who I once was, never allowing me to forget. I've hated my shadow for a long while. It was she who told me I wasn't pretty enough, thin enough, smart enough, good enough. But I never once stopped to consider who created my shadow. Who gave her life. Who was responsible for her. It was me.

I wasn't able to accept the sun shining upon me with its graceful rays, so I compartmentalized all the bad parts of me and forced them into my shadow, trying to shake her off. Never once did I stop to consider the weight of what I was doing. Instead of casting off my worries and false identity, I cast off a mile long shadow. I shoved my fears under the bed because that's where monsters are kept. And I became the princess and the pea, always feeling the uncomfortable writhing of my festering fears in the dark space between my floor and box spring. I pushed the skeletons into my closet, next to the ugly prom dresses and the cute coat I bought at a vintage thrift shop that I would "one day fit into," but never did. Everything else was consumed by the shadow. Anger. Hurt. Envy. And she took it, never once complaining.

She never once said no. She never sighed as I piled more and more upon her. She gave me the space.

Later, I learned that when you are dealing with a monster, you must give it space to be a monster. Only then can the monster transform into who he or she is meant to be. I viewed my shadow with contempt. I filled her with every evil part that has been a part of me. But she never judged. Never wavered. She gave the monster space. I was the monster.

So when I saw her today, I looked at her differently. She didn't look scary anymore. She didn't seem like a mass of darkness. She was me. She is me. And she is rather beautiful.

I took away her anger and her pain. I threw it away. I took her rags that i had clothed her in and dressed her warmly for these cold Korean winters. I told her I was sorry. She forgave me. And I forgave myself for virtually shitting all over me. For not finding worth within myself.

My shadow doesn't trudge along behind me anymore. She dances all around. In front of me, at my side, twirling behind me, I've even caught her twerking. (Don't tell her I told you that, she'd be embarrassed. Still, she rocks it.)

So today, Thanksgiving Day, I am thankful for not being who I was, for being a better person for others but more importantly, for myself. I am infinitely thankful to God, Jesus, and for the path He has me on. Even if it feels as if I am treading water, I know He is there to help me walk upon it. I am thankful for my amazing family, friends, and work family--both at E-Spirit and ProtoStar. I am thankful and grateful for you, dear reader. Maybe we know each other and maybe we don't. But thank you for allowing me to share my life, my thoughts, and everything else in between with you.


Happy Thanksgiving everyone. Love and Light to you all.

Sick in the ROK

Many, many years ago, my great grandmother was living in Boston and she happened to cut her arm. Because she immigrated from Greece, she didn't speak English very well, if at all, and she refused to go to the doctor because of her lack of communication skills...well, in English anyway. She also didn't trust them because they weren't Greek, but that is another story for another time.

So the cut got worse. And worse. Gangrene settled in. And they had to amputate her arm.

When my Yia Yia told me this, I scoffed. "Come on," I'd begin, "that was stupid! Because she was too afraid to go to the doctor, she had to lose an arm? That's ridiculous."

Oh how privileged I was. I had no idea what it was to be a foreigner in a new land, and trying to make it a home. I felt no compassion toward this woman who I was related to but would never meet. Until, that is, I became her.

Wherever you are living, and then contract some sort of illness or mishap with your body, it's never a pleasant thing. But being an American was was living in an English speaking country, it mattered very little to me. The only thing that weighed upon me was the cost of treatment. And, as you are all aware of, it still is an issue that weighs heavily upon most Americans.

And then I moved to Korea. To teach kids. Who are the cutest little germ carriers ever. Make no mistake, I am not calling out Korean children as being dirty or germ infested...all kids are. And some adults too. Eww. ^^

Now I am the stranger in a strange land. I am Helen Tournas with my arm cut and bleeding.

In my first year, I was sick every month. New hours, new job, new kids, etc. Just sinus infections--nothing serious.

Then came my first real illness in Korea. I had this massive sore throat that wouldn't go away. I went through all the normal troubleshooting techniques I've picked up over the years.

Growing up, we didn't have a whole lot of money, so I relied on homemade chicken soup and vitamin C. When we were REALLY sick, that's when we'd see the doctor.

So naturally, for this first bout with sickness, I drank hot tea, made gallons upon gallons of chicken soup, and the like. Finally, my head teacher called and made an appointment for me to go to an ear, nose, and throat doctor. The ENT doctor spoke English but his staff didn't really. I was so afraid in seeing a doctor because my Korean was not efficient enough for me to say "Here hurts." I know that I live in Seoul, in Gangnam (Yes, that Gangnam) for that matter, and that many people speak English here. That didn't take away my anxieties that seemed to harden like concrete around my feet.

So the diagnosis? I had an abrasion in my throat. No clue as to how it got there, but there it was. And all the hot liquid I was putting on it was making it worse. (oops!) So I drank lukewarm to warm water, took the antibiotics, and I was at right as rain.

I have since discovered the Itaewon International Clinic, which is where I always go now. The staff is polite and everyone speaks English. I am spoiled. Especially when my doctor visits are only about $2.50 and the medicine is less than $10.00. I am insanely blessed here.

It's not easy being a foreigner. But there are some things that definitely make it worthwhile. I just wish my great grandmother could have been as fortunate as I am now.

Light Your Spark

There are so many things that we should be grateful for in our lives, but often we are so lost in the shadows of things we don't believe to be working in our favor to truly see how fortunate and blessed we really are. Heavy handed sentence? Yeah. I know.

I'm currently sitting in my Starbucks in Seocho, listening to random Korean conversations, beeps from the micro-oven, espresso machines and do I detect Rufus Wainwright amid the noise? But this is what it is. We are lost in the noise. The imbalance of what isn't that we can barely strain to hear what is.

But is it really worth it to be grateful for things when we could just be sad? I know, you read that right. Some people just want to be sad. I used to be that way. I wanted to be this tragic character, that everyone wanted to save. But no one ever did. Do you know why? Because I didn't want to save myself. Life is not meant to be some tragic series of events where you are stuck in a prison, waiting for someone to recognize how much you're worth so that they will save you. Life is not meant to be lived in a prison. And the saddest, yet most empowering thing was when I realized that I was stuck in this prison, and I had the keys, the map, the way out...and I had it all of the time. I could have left at any time. But I didn't see it until I accepted who I was. And loved me for it. For all of my scars. For all of my flaws. And do you know what? Those scars? What I found to be so ugly? They were beautiful. And they always have been.

I had to see the value in me. I couldn't before. I spent YEARS blaming others for locking me away. But I never looked out the window to see how many people were standing vigil, waiting for me to return to them. The interesting thing? They never wavered. They never left. But locked in that prison, I couldn't see or hear their songs, their candles that would have lit up the sky if only I would allow myself to see it. My eyes were on the locked door that lead to the hallway, yearning to be rescued. "Why aren't they storming the gates?" I would ask. "Why don't they care?" All the while, they were singing, "Why doesn't she free herself? Why doesn't she care about herself?"

I know I'm not alone in what I experienced. But to those of you who haven't seen the key that has always been on your side of the door: It's there. Grab it. It's real. It's not a trick. And when you see it. Realize your worth. Be grateful. As you are leaving this graveyard of a prison, you will pass by others who are screaming, "Why aren't they storming the gates?! Why don't they care?!" You can't open their door--the lock is on the inside. They will not hear you say that they are loved. They will not listen because they do not believe. But when you exit this prison, you will walk and join those who have waited. You will embrace. And they will hand you a candle, and you will sing with them for the others who are still there.

You will feel a range of emotions. Sorrow for lost time, but immense joy for being brought out into the love and light. But just know, that time was never truly wasted. You can use this prison tale, and you can write about it in a blog, sing about it in a song, paint the pain in a picture, and you can be a light to someone else in the dark. You were meant to shine. So it's time to light your spark.

Like Riding a Bike . . .

So here it is. Blog post number 70. I wonder what this one will bring...


It's been quite a while, my dear readers. I've been rather busy with the edits on the book I've been writing. Things are looking really great, I must say. The story is becoming much more cohesive now, which is fab. Today's editing meeting threw me for a loop though. The reason, you ask? Well, one of my main characters has to write a poem.

Now, most of you who truly know me, know that I got my start writing the girliest poetry known to mankind. My first poem was written at the tender age of eleven and it was about a picnic. We went through this unit in fifth grade where we all had to write poems and share them in the class (if we so desired). There was a boy in my class that would always write about war--and it was always wicked graphic and I remember thinking "ew." hahah My, how I've grown since then.

Truth be told, I haven't really written a poem since I've lived in Seoul. That's almost three years, if you're keeping score. I've been so busy with blog entries, short stories, and this particular novel that when I sat down to write the poem, I stared at the blinking cursor for ten minutes.

I'm reminded of a particular scene in Hamlet 2 where Steve Coogan's character acts out the creative process. It's genius. If you haven't seen it, well, just don't ever say I never gave you anything.

Writing is hard, incredibly hard. But what other reason do I have for living? Well, I suppose that's not accurate. But writing is what I love. And it is ultimately what I want to do with my life. So there's that.

So, I know what you're thinking. Come on, Shea. If you got your start in writing poetry, what's the big deal?
Well....

I not only have to write in a form that I haven't been using lately, but I also have to write as if I were a 12 year old girl. And that is proving itself to be a difficult task. I'm not saying it can't be done, but it's going to take some time and a whole lot of revisions.

I think it also has be said that I'm a little scared. I haven't written in prose in a while. What if I can't muster anything up? Writing is not like riding a bike. Or, maybe it is. A really scary bike that is willing to fall apart at any moment...and it's filled with reflective mirrors so the world can see your pain. And the mirrors squirt lemon juice in your wounds.

Okay, I'll admit that that particular scene is a bit dramatic. But you're still reading, right? So..yeah.

In other news, I have a wicked cold right now. Or maybe it's allergies. The change in seasons was rather sudden this year. So I'm currently riding this out. My voice is not the same tone at the moment--my register has gone much deeper. Which is cool, but it's not a sultry, husky voice. I just sound like a boy going through puberty. Hooray?

There has been a lot of updates that I have been rather negligent about, so I will do that all soon. I promise.

Until then. This will just have to do. Besides, I have a poem to write. ^^

Respect

Let's take a moment, how ever brief, to consider the human body. Or what you think you know about the human body.

Ok. That's long enough.

You probably thought of a healthy human body--or maybe you didn't. And perhaps you thought of the most beautiful kinds of bodies. Maybe your imagination ventured off to a medical text book with velum overlays of skeletal structures, nervous systems, and muscles. Then again, maybe it was a sketch you did in your period three art class in high school.

How many thought of the limitations the human body can have? What kind of limitations? Well, that all depends on the individual.

I know my own limitations, and I do try to push beyond them by hitting the gym. So this year, when I was given the opportunity to see some amazing athletes and dancers at R16, you better believe I was all about it. R16 Korea took place on July 13th and 14th at Olympic Hall in Seoul.

This is my second year witnessing the awesome power that encompasses R16 Korea. Last year was completely mind blowing, so I knew that this year would be no exception. Foreigners and nationals alike braved the battling rain (hello Monsoon Season...) and were able to become part of a movement that has certainly taken the world by force.

Unfortunately, my camera's memory card has malfunctioned and I cannot seem to upload any of my pictures from the actual event. My friend John did happen to take some pretty amazing shots on the second day (especially one random picture of Jay Park at the after party at Club Able in Itaewon).

So let me break it down for you.

Salah, the world famous popper was there as a judge and he performed during the second day. Jinjo, the winners of last year's best performance award served as an amazing opening act to Leessang's "Hard to be Humble."

There were some amazing individual performances on Day one--most notably that of Bboy Blond, a Korean native who now reps for SKB, an Australian crew.

When the judges came out to oversee the poppin competition...well...that was one of the highlights for me.



But the real story is about the winners: Korea's Morning of Owl. When they came out as the last crew in the showcases, I saw so much beauty and art being put forth into their style of dancing. They are so very light on their feet and while other crews are battling in the old school style, there is no way that any crew can compare in their quickness. I was worried each time Japan stepped up to battle, the same way I get nervous when the Yankees play my beloved Red Sox. You know they are good. And there is a lot of pride on the line, even though I am a foreigner living in Korea. You want Korea to win. Whether it's soccer, Dokdo, or a bboy competition.

But Korea brought it. They gave respect and it was given to them in turn.


So if you're ever in Korea, visiting me, or just coming out on your own, you need to check out this scene. It's thriving, much like this peninsula. Korea really is an amazing place to live, work, and above all, enjoy your life.


Respect.

c

A Step-by-Step Guide to Enjoying the Rain in Korea

Hello Rain! No..not that rain...this rain.


So yeah.... The rainy season is upon us in Korea and what have we to show for it but soggy feet because we were unprepared...Well consider this your guide to enjoy the rain while you're in the ROK. 'Tis the season, after all..


Step One: Get the gear.

Korean Monsoon Season survival depends on the best gear. So get the rain boots, for sure. But since you're in Korea, opt for colorful umbrellas. On the sunny days, they double as parasols to keep that pesky sun away.

And yes, get a cute one. Here is one I procured while in Itaewon.

Step Two: Shoes. If it's not rain boots, it's flip flops. **Note: this is my own personal preference. Do what you will.**

Step Three: Leave Early. You're not getting a cab in this weather.

Step Four: Soundtrack.

On the days where the rain is fairly light, I go for the Amelie soundtrack. It can make any drizzly day seem like a walk in Paris.

Step Five: Make it a Parisian Day!


Go to Paris Baguette or Paris Croissant. Get a baguette. Be French for the day. No one is watching. It's cool.

Step Six: Watch where you are going.

If you're not careful, you're going to step into a massive puddle or hit someone else's umbrella. And that's awkward...

Step Seven: Enjoy the rain!

Weather should never dictate how you're going to enjoy the day. So just enjoy everyday you're given! Even if the humidity causes your hair to go a little cray. ^^

On Creating

So living for two and a half years in Korea has stunted my culinary skills. Not that I had much prowess to begin with.... Cooking was much more of my sister's thing. Still, I enjoy creating things in the kitchen and the like, even though my kitchen is teeny weeny. I currently reside in what is known as an officetel.
As you can see from the link, the kitchen is über small. And this is when I first moved in--I have stuff now. Lots of stuff. And while I have grown to really enjoy living in such a small, yet incredibly functional space, being able to only use two burners kinda sucks, or at least puts a limitation upon what I can do. Also you'll notice there wasn't an oven in those pictures. I have since procured a toaster oven and a microwave, but trying to use those in the summer just heats up the entire flat and its just too hot.

So around the first of July, I went to the foreign markets because I was craving some feta cheese. When I lived in Chicago, every night there was feta on the salad--even if it weren't a Greek salad, there it was. I was soooo tired of it and longed for something else. Now feta is all I want. Oh life, how funny you are.
While I was out I actually found some Kalamata olives and some Greek yogurt. I haven't had Greek yogurt in two and a half years.

Plain yogurt in Korea is like vanilla flavored yogurt back home. It is all way too sweet and nothing is as thick as Greek yogurt. My Yia Yis used to make her own yogurt, but I never bothered to ask her how she did it. Anyway. I was ELATED about finding Greek yogurt. I even posted a picture of it on facebook in my excitement. Yes. A Picture. Most people post pictures of their children, their loved ones, their pets...me? Greek yogurt I find in the foreign market.

Anyway. Because I found the yogurt, I was reminded of one of my most favorite recipes from my childhood. Chicken with yogurt. I know it sounds strange--but trust me, it's delicious. I gathered most of the ingredients that I could find (had to get a can of chicken broth, some cayenne pepper, and some chives). Only I couldn't find the chives. ANYWHERE.

So last night I ran to the local mart to grab some green onions because I heard that they could be used as a substitute for chives and ended up getting a bunch of veggies to sauté. But first...first...the chicken with yogurt.

I didn't have the recipe sitting in front of me, so I had to go by my memory of when I last made it, which was over three years ago. And it actually came out to be pretty good. ^^ I was worried for a bit but once I got it on my plate, it tasted just right--at least how it always did.
As it cooled, I began sautéing my veggies (yellow and red bell peppers, button mushroom tops, onions, garlic, and zucchini) and it was glorious. I was happy to be creating something within my cramped kitchen.

Here is a picture of the chicken with yogurt:

And the sautéd veggies:

So I guess having a small kitchen really has nothing to do with what I can create. I have always had everything I've always needed. I was just blinded by a simple notion that what I had wasn't enough. And trust me, I have enough. I am enough.
And the same is for you.


Love and Light,

c

On individualism

As an American, I have been brought up with the notion that Individualism is best even though collectivism works well too. We should strive to do our best, to be self motivated, yadda yadda yadda. I loved Emerson's view point of Self Reliance.

There’s a river flowin’ in my soul and it’s telling me that I’m somebody. Trust thyself. Don’t look to others...look to oneself. You can pull yourself up by your own bootstraps.

In college, this helped me get through so many trials of paper writing.

And indeed, it is quite something to be motivated enough by one's own self.

I do see the value in collectivism. But of course, being the American, I looked at it, patted it on it's head and said, "Oh, that's nice dear."

There is a Japane proverb that states, "The nail that sticks up gets hammered down."

And I always found fault with this. As if this brand of thinking was imploring us to be the same, no matter your beliefs. No matter who you are. You are not yourself. You are your family. You are your culture. You are your people. There is no you. There is only we.

Obviously, you can imagine how this bothered me. But I didn't get it. I still could not see.

Then I started reading a different Lois Lowry book, "Number the Stars" where one of the Jewish characters in the story is telling her friend's daughter (a Danish girl) to take a different route to avoid being seen by the same German soldiers that were occupying Copenhagen:

"They will remember your faces," Mrs. Rosen said, turning in the doorway to the hall. "It is important to be one of the crowd, always. Be one of many. Be sure that they never have reason to remember your face."

And then I got it. When you are in a country that is being occupied, you have to remain faceless. It is safer. Korea is no stranger to being occupied. I get it now. And America has never been occupied. But we have been occupiers. That is for certain.

This is not to say that individualism is wrong for any reason, but collectivism isn't wrong either. But it's just funny how things are made to be "wrong" when they are not a value within your own culture.

More on this later.

xox,

c

Think of something clever....doh!

I sneeze in pairs. True story. I know people who sneeze three times in a row, but I'm not one of them. Even if I sneeze 5 times in a row, I know that one more will be coming to even it out.

I haven't the slightest as to why I just gave you that interesting (was it really?) tidbit about me. Maybe so you would feel that you know me a bit more. Maybe so you could find someone else like you. Words, feelings, memories are meant to be shared.

Let that last part sink in.

Words. Feelings. Memories. They are meant. To be. Shared.

I just finished reading Lois Lowry's book "The Giver" because I am teaching it to my highest level student. He is so wonderful to talk with. He is a 6th grader and he loves books. And he loves talking about them. Analyzing them. He isn't afraid to say he doesn't understand something, which I find that many students are. He is probably my favorite student that I teach because we can just sit and talk about books. The concepts of them. The themes. Whatever.

We have read some challenging ones together: "Farhenheit 451," "The Lord of the Flies," and now "The Giver". Next we are reading "The Red Badge of Courage." I remember reading that on my own at the request of my dad. I really enjoyed that one so I hope he will too.

I hope that once I start having children of my own that they will come to find solace in books as I have. I know that some kids just aren't into them...but I will be one of those parents who will avidly read to her children and take them to a magical place called The Library. ^^

As far as book editing is concerned... (yes. Not much of a transition there) it is finished. Hallelujah!!
We finished up the editing last Sunday and sent it off for a proper assessment. The assessment editor will tell us if we have everything ready to go or if we need to edit further. I'm obviously praying for the former but all in all, I just want the book to be perfect. So if it's another round of edits to get it right, then so be it.

It's just been nice to have somewhat of a life back. Not that writing is a terrible waste of one's time. But it is consuming in time, energy, and sometimes sanity. But there is nothing I'd rather do. I love teaching children in Korea but I know it won't last forever. But who knows? Maybe it will.

I will have more time to update the blog now that I'm seemingly done with the edits. So there is that. But if you care to have more of a connection with me, you can always follow me on twitter: @thatsheagirl

Summer is in full swing in Korea, which means it is incredibly humid and hot. Not a fan. I didn't care for it in Florida and I certainly don't like it here. But at least I can have a fall, winter, and spring to look forward to.
So that's something. But to be honest, I'm sitting in Starbucks, admiring the view. And from where I am sitting, all is beautiful. I just won't go outside. ^^

I suppose that's all for now. See you soon.


Love and Light,
c

On Stories...

So we've reached the third round of edits for the book. Everything is so much clearer now, it's rather amazing how one little idea formed into such a massive project. The way that a wink can be ever so subtle and can result in a fifty year marriage with a slew of children and grandchildren. Spring is certainly in the air, here in Seoul. Everything is blossoming with the mind set on fruition.

I should actually be writing the story right now. But I feel I've neglected the blog ever so slightly and you are all in a need of an update.

When last we spoke...or really, I wrote, I was discussing words and their power. Poetic? Absolutely. But true nonetheless. Said blog entry was created on March 10...It's now May 5. (Happy Cinco de Mayo to my Mexican amigos...to my French amis...Well, you can still drink right?)

In Korea, it's also Children's Day...which means I can't go to a park or go by The Han...unless I want to be around a slew of families. I don't have anything against families. I love families. I love my own...most of the time. ^^ I'd rather not venture out today. Which is why I am holed up in a Starbucks, doing some research and some writing. Yes...that's the story I'm sticking with. ^^

Today I do want to talk about something though...I want to talk about stories. And the reasons why they were made up. To entertain? Surely. But let's take mythology for instance.

Mythology was used for explaining things that had no real explanation. Like how a spider was created. Or why wars were waged. This was the case of the Greeks. Hundreds of stories came from the gods they created. When you hear about these stories, especially the ones about Zeus and his conquests, you think "Eww. What a perv." Being that I am of Greek decent, I'm not at all surprised. Years later they did give the world Oedipus, mind you. Democracy too, yes. But Oedipus. And Yanni. Need I say more?
The Romans were no better--they copied their gods from the Greek ones. At least this is what the Greeks are told. "Everybody stole from us." ^^

As children we are told mythologies from Greek and Roman tradition but from other cultures it is a little hard to come by unless you are of a different culture/actually wish to study it. I read Celtic myths on my own and I have done minimal research on the Indian and Norse Gods. Egyptian? I never really heard stories from them. Just how they influenced Egyptian life. So I did some research. And yeah, there were actually some stories. It wasn't just all hieroglyphics and ways to explain their daily lives. I know that sounds really ignorant of me, but I was never taught this back in school. I learned that Egyptians made beer, made paper, and there were tons of crocodiles in the Nile, solidifying that I would NEVER want to take a dip in it (have I ever mentioned I'm deathly afraid of alligators and crocodiles??).

When Neil Gaiman came out with his amazing book American Gods, he sparked my interest again with mythology. But it's taken a long time for this spark to catch fire.

Lately I have been doing a lot of research on Egyptian mythology...all for the book I'm writing. Hint Hint. ^^ Will my mom think it's strange that I'm not using Greek mythology? Probably. Will I be the recipient of the dreaded Greek Guilt Trip? More than likely. But doing this kind of research has really made me miss school. I loved doing research and finding hidden gems that were in sync with what I was writing. I think that is one of my favorite part of the writing process...doing the research. Coming up with ideas. Seeing how the story unfolds... saying, "What if..."

I wonder if that is how myths truly began.

Like a conversation.

"Father, why does ____________ happen?"

"Well, a long time ago...."

And a story was created. Or perpetuated. The dots all connecting between an actual occurrence and an explanation. That moment that all the dots are connecting, yeah. I'm there.

On Words

Anne Sexton once wrote:

My business is words. Words are like labels,
or coins, or better, like swarming bees.
I confess I am only broken by the sources of things;
as if words counted like dead bees in the attic,
unbuckled from their yellow eyes and their dry wings.
I must always forget how one word is able to pick
out another, to manner another, until I have got
something I might have said...
but did not.

Your business is watching my words. But I
admit nothing. I work with my best, for instance,
when I can write my praise for a nickel machine,
that one night in Nevada: telling how the magic jackpot
came clacking three bells out, over the lucky screen.
But if you should say this is something it is not,
then I grow weak, remembering how my hands felt funny
and ridiculous and crowded with all
the believing money.

"Said the Poet to the Analyst"

I recently read this poem as it is a part of a massive collection of her work and quite frankly, I was floored. This is not the first time I have been leveled by Sexton's poetry--far from it. But as the second round of rewrites is coming to a close, it really struck a chord with me. Words are my business. Words are funny. Words mean things. Words can be words, at face value, but they can be so much more. I love words.

But words can also hurt. They can be used to express disapproval, disappointment, or sheer hatred of someone or something. We are told to choose our words carefully. They can be used against us.

Sometimes we have no words. Or they fail us. Do they really? Or do we fail words? Do we fail to put the written word with some emotion, some thought, something that cannot be explained. The amazingly wordy John Steinbeck once wrote, "In utter loneliness, a writer tries to explain the inexplicable." Perhaps truer words have never been written.

If you have read the Bible, then you know it begins in Genesis by saying, "In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth." But by the beginning of the fourth book of the New Testament, John writes, "In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God." Jewish people cannot write the name God, as it is far too holy. Muslims believe that Allah and his prophets cannot be depicted as it is incredibly disrespectful as well as it can lead to idolatry...Cannot the written word do the same?

I said before that words can hurt. They can aid a bully in compartmentalizing someone or something. That old saying, "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me." Whoever wrote that was a liar...or perhaps my words are too hurtful?

Words Are Powerful. They provide meaning. Context. They. Can. Be. Slowed. Theycanbespokenquicklyforadesiredeffect. Words can inspire. Words can deflate. Choose them carefully. Choose them as you choose your friends. In the end, you will be remembered by them.

Thoughts on the Book and other nonsensical musings

I have noticed an influx of readers as of late. Wow! Thank you all for being so supportive of my little ramblings that border on realm of insanity. I invite you all to subscribe to the blog as I will be using this more often to communicate thoughts and whatnot (and trust me, there is a whole lot of whatnot).

As of now, we are taking a break from the book that I have been writing so it should prove to be a relaxing weekend. At least that is the hope. We will have to wait and see how it plays itself out. Things will resume next week.

I suppose I should at least explain this interesting writing venture...

It started one Monday afternoon when I walked into my hagwon (a private academy in Korea--they can be English, Math, Science, Korean, History, even sports). I was asked how my weekend was and I mentioned the fact that I had actually taken the time to write on my blog and even wrote a short story. Then came the, "You're a writer?" question and the rest just kind of fell into place. I was given a character description and a genre and I wrote a fun mystery story about a kid who lives in NYC and likes to solve mysteries, sort of like Encyclopedia Brown. I wrote a few stories and when they were read by trusted reviewers, I was given the "Yeah, it's cute, but so what?" Once upon a time this would have devastated me. But I knew she was right. With the team, they pitched an idea to me and I thought about it, and said, "Okay. Let me see what I can flesh out from that..."

And that is how it all started. I have been working with Protostar to edit and publish the book. It has been so incredibly helpful to have a team of supportive people with me as I write this story. They've offered plot ideas, the same way a writers group would, and they have kept me on the path.

So often I don't see my creative projects through, simply because I have very little discipline. I can always tell someone how something is supposed to end rather than just write it.

Lack of dicipline. It was probably first noticed in my tap dance class. I would never want to sit down and learn the steps properly. I just wanted to listen to the noise my feet made. My instructor was probably about to go out of her mind when it came to the night of the receital. When it was time for the performance, it is no surprise that I was the only one doing a specific move from the other little girls. When my mom talked to the dance instructor, she laughed and said that I was the only one who remembered a particular move. Everyone else forgot. I still looked like the outsider but in all actuality, I was the one who did the right thing.
This little story has always reminded me that sometimes I may accomplish things in an unorthodox way. But the end result is the same.

So it should come as no surprise that I would write and self publish the book with Protostar. Self publishing, as a whole, always raises an eyebrow for those who call themselves writers. It's not the normal way. It's as if you can't call yourself a writer without getting rejected and feeling terribly inadequate about yourself as a writer, lover, human being, because you've received the worst kind of rejection...the equivalent of a fake phone number on a cocktail napkin after what you thought was a shared moment.
You mean we can bypass that self loathing and constant inquiry of "Why don't you get a real job?" from your parents, your lover/husband/wife, your friends, and most of all, yourself? Yeah. Kinda. You still have to write the book though. If it is to do well, then it has to be captivating. But in this era of indie everything, why not self publishing? Wouldn't the Modernists do the same?

If you have something to say, say it. If you have something to sing, sing it. If you have something to write, write it. Bring it to the world. You never know...someone could be waiting for that kind of blatant truth to enter their life.

And that's why we do it. To entertain? Yes. What writer wouldn't want the question, "What happens next?" posed to them? But it's about that connection with another person on a basic human level. That they see you, and you see them. And there is understanding. And from understanding there is acceptance. And from acceptance there is change. And from change there is peace. And from peace there is love.
And that's when it all comes into focus. When you see that the author is standing there on a bridge, meeting you half way, saying, "You don't have to go it alone."


You were never alone, dear readers...

c