Updates from 2014-2015. The Book. And Marriage.

No, not my marriage. Don't get nervous. ^^

It seems that every time I come back to this space, I am in a mood to apologize and promise. Apologize for spending so much time away. Promise that I will be better. And yet, here we are, again. I'm sorry. I'll try to do better.

Life, as you all know, tends to get in the way of blogging. And unless you're passion is this form of written entertainment, have a lot of time. or are considering this your ticket to fame and (mis)fortune, there isn't much one can do about it.

I enjoy writing on this platform so that my dear friends back home can view my thoughts on life in Korea or just simply catch up by reading instead of figuring out times tables to coordinate phone calls. I'd like to see that added to an SAT question:

If your friend lives in Korea, and you live in an state that is in the EST district, how long will it be till one of you figures out how to set up a time and actually talk?

Hahah I don't know what I'd do without my iPhone's "world clock" but sometimes I still mess it up, because I was an English major and doing any sort of math is like slaying a dragon of sorts. Besides, what are calculators for?

This, of course, is not a rant at my friends who I haven't talked to in a while. Far from it. Just mere observations on my end about my inability to write to you on this here bloggity blog and pick up a phone.

So that being said . . .

HI!

Things have been pretty busy since I last wrote to you all in **cough cough** July. . .(아이고)

So let's see. Still teaching. Still editing. Still loving Korea. I chopped my hair off again and dyed it blond. Finally updated my beat up, ratchety iPhone 4S and got the new iPhone 6 Plus...and I love it. I've been doing lots of work on me: meditation, prayer, spiritual reading, podcasts and the like. I'm learning lots of things about me and how to love me--which I know sounds strange, but trust. It's been a struggle for many years.

Aside from that, one of my favorite people on the planet, Sweet B, came to Seoul last year to work at the hagwon's summer camp. It was absolutely fabulous (wink!) and we had a great time reconnecting and just living it up as only Pats and Eddy could. I miss her everyday and while I know that we will always be friends, its hard to not see your favorite people more often.

There were some comings and goings of friends--which is only natural. Some were just naturally ready to leave Korea and I wish them all the love and support in their new ventures. Others left my life for other reasons, but all's well that ends well. ^^

And then there is the book. Ah. Yes. Zee book.

The book has been going well-it is just a long one, over 200 word doc pages at the moment and there is lots to edit. My mom had actually called me about it and said "Be honest," which is her way of calling me out. "You haven't written anything, have you?" Books take a long time to write and an even longer time to edit. I want it to be successful. I want this to do well. I've gone to two different fortune tellers in Korea who have told my book is going to be huge and I'll be famous (YAY!) they also said that I will be married within two years. So watch for that too. ㅋㅋㅋ

Speaking of marriage---2015 seems to be the year of matrimony, and here I thought it was the year of the Sheep. So many of my friends here are getting married! Lee and Mee Joo got hitched last month (Lee works for both the hagwon I teach at as well as a key member to ProtoStar, who is making my whole book deal possible) and his lovely bride Mee Joo (MJ for short) is my editor. Much love and happiness to the both of them on their new adventure together.

My friends Sarah and Kyu Ho are getting married in like two weeks. If you haven't checked out their youtube and Instagram accounts, I don't know what you're waiting for. Consider this your formal invitation. Get on it.

On the same day that Sarah and Kyu get married, my friends Nik and Jiyi are getting married. At the same time. Jeeeez.

Then at the end of this month, two friends who have been together for over ten years are finally going to stroll down the aisle after getting the nod from her parents! Sometimes Korea can be a pretty conservative place. As fast as it has grown up, the country struggles to embrace the future while holding tight to their traditions. But as in every Disney faerie tale, True Love Conquers All! Huzzah!


Anywho...that's about all I got. I have to get back to editing and grading so I can enjoy this beautiful 70 degree weather!

Mwah mwah mwah!

c

:::waves:::

It's been quite sometime since I've visited you all on zee blog. Sorry about that. Life tends to get in the way of everything and I sit here wondering "Hey, remember that blog you use to write? You gonna do something with that again?"

So yeah. Sorry.

If you follow astrology at all, you've probably heard of this Mercury retrograde stuff. And if you don't follow it, there is this thing called Mercury retrograde and it was basically screwing up everyone's lives. So if you felt odd during the months of May-June then that's what was happening in the good ol' universe. Well, thank God that it's friggin' over because damn, life kinda sucked for those two months. Now, July is here, and everything is on the up and up! HUZZAH!

My dear sweet friend, B, has come back to Korea for the summer, just in time for the humidity to sink in. Our summer camp starts at the end of July and I'm super pumped to be working along side of her again.

Last month I participated in this Kimchi study where I was given lunch and dinner for 10 days to study the effects of kimchi on a person who didn't grow up eating it. It was delicious (except for the fish--blarg) and healthy, plus it was free food. ^^ Pictures are up on Instagram if you care to see the yummy meals.

Oh--and if you've been redirected here because of Instagram, Welcome! ^^

July has been pretty fabulous thus far. Birthday parties. Birthday brunches. Hair cuts. Nails. Reconnecting with old friends. Making new ones. And lots of picture taking.

On the book front...oh yeah...remember that book I was writing. Still editing. And editing. And editing. But there is progress that is being made and I'm super excited about it. Since February I have been working with this amazing editor who has really helped me to shape the story and challenge me as a writer. I'm so blessed and thankful for her.


The sad thing about this time of year, is that because the spring term is ending so soon (like next week!!) it means that I'm going to be saying goodbye to some really special people. One of these is my friend Robyn, who has been here for 19 months and I wish it could be a lot longer. You should peep her blog too--she is truly more diligent than I am and I'm amazed by her discipline to get stuff done. I have learned a lot from her (and I could stand to learn a whole lot more) but I'm thankful with the time I've gotten to know her and for the times we spent together.

So that's it, for now my dears. I hope to update more this week, as I will need a break from my report card writing. For reals.

Stay excellent!

MWAH!

Oh, Hey! How's it going?

I've started a journey.

That's usually what people say when they are beginning something new. "Starting" a "Journey." Maybe it's because we want to put an emphasis on closing a part in our lives. Taking a new path. Moving forward.

Weren't we already on a journey? Starting a journey means that we weren't on one before. Just because you've felt stagnant doesn't mean you weren't already on a route. Maybe you were just on the wrong path.

And I was.

I've done some pretty unhealthy things in the past few years but this year I decided no more. I turned my back on that road because I have seen what lies ahead. And I couldn't keep lying to myself about it.

My biggest changes? I stopped smoking and I crossed over from my boot camp regiment to CrossFit. I was happy doing boot camp and I surely loved the coaches and people in the class. So why the switch? I needed something more. I needed something that was going to scare the bajeezus out of me. It was something that I always thought about doing but was so intimidated by, so I locked up that little dream in a box and placed it on the unattainable dream shelf.

Over the Christmas holiday break, I got a message from Kat (one of my best friends and also the most amazing CrossFit coach you will ever be inspired by) and basically said that it was time for me to make the switch. The box in which I tucked that dream away began to rattle.

Finally, when I came back to the gym after a long time away, a friend and fellow CrossFitter said,"You're signing up for On Ramp." On Ramp is the 9 class course you must take in order to be a part of the CrossFit class. The box suddenly power dove to the ground, breaking the "unattainable dreams" box forever.

So I took the bait. I drank the kool aid. And here I am. Five weeks into CrossFit. And I've never felt happier.

So...how have you been?

The month and a Half Long Silence...Did this just get weird?

So here is an update upon yours truly and just where I've been since we've last met.

I left Seoul for the states on Christmas Day (just for a visit, don't get nervous), flying from Seoul to Tokyo, Tokyo to San Francisco, and San Francisco to Chicago. It was nuts. The first leg of the trip was fabulous. The flight wasn't full and I got the whole row of three seats to myself. Score!
Once I got to Japan, things took a different turn. The plane was late arriving from Bangkok and that made me literally 2 minutes too late to catch my flight once I arrived in San Fran. I cried while I was in the security line that helped me to move a little faster to get to my gate. I didn't do it to manipulate anyone, I was just so frustrated. But did it allow people to be a bit nicer to me? Absolutely.
When I got to my gate, the gate agent gave me attitude and asked why I couldn't make it to the gate on time. I burst into tears again. Through tears I explained my situation and she quickly changed her demeanor. I ended up getting on a 1:30 flight and then arrived in Chicago at 8:30, instead of 5:30.

Christmas dinner was awesome. Turkey. Broccoli casserole. Stuffing. Mashed potatoes. Yum. ^^

My time in Illinois was spent mostly with family but I did get some quality time in with my friends. And there was lots and lots of shopping. ^^ Oddly enough, the only time I went downtown was when I was with my friend Holly. We took the blue line in and I showed her the wonderment that is the Harold T. Washington Library. It's one of my favorite places in Chicago. We had dinner at The Walnut Room, which is located in the Macy's on State Street. If you've never been to Chicago, this Macy's (formerly Marshall Fields) is an ENTIRE city block. Now that I am thinking of it, I should have picked up some Frango mints...oh well. I will just have to go home more often. After dinner, we made our way to Navy Pier to see The Merry Wives of Windsor at the Chicago Shakespeare Theatre. It was utterly fabulous! I ended up running into one of my English Professors from Roosevelt, Dr. Larry Howe, and I chatted with him for a bit. I wish I would have had the time to go to RU to see the rest of my profs, but again, that will happen on my next trip home.
Aside from seeing Holly, one of my most favorite people in the world, Patsy (it's a fake name, get over it. ^^) came down from Madison to spend the weekend. Pats and I met in Seoul, teaching for the same school. We had a truly ab fab weekend and just shopped, ate, and gabbed.
The next friends I met up with were Steve and Jenn. It's so lovely to see such a lovely couple navigating their way through marriage, life, and all that falls in between. I'm so happy for the two of you.

While spending time with family, I ended up getting my mother hooked on Korean dramas. She is almost finished with Secret Garden now and she is loving every second of it. She even bought the soundtrack to it. It was a nice thing to do since it was so frigid in Chiberia, ahem, excuse me, Chicago. It was brutally cold this winter. I'm just happy that I was able to get a new winter coat while I was home.

On January 9th, I arrived in Florida, rented a car, and drove to my sister's house, which is literally a block and a half away from my Dad's house. It's nice to know that my niece and nephews have access to their papa and grandma just like Melissa and I did to our Yia Yia.
My dad had no idea I was coming in on that Thursday. I wanted to surprise him (I've often done this). He thought I was coming in on Friday, and since I was renting a car, I told him that I didn't need to be picked up. My stepmother told him to take the day off, but he adamantly refused because I didn't need the ride. Then she messaged me on FB to say, "Tell your dad that something happened and you need him to pick you up." So I did. ^^
When he got home from work, I hid in the corner of his office, where he wouldn't normally look and when he said he had a rough day, I piped in saying, "Well, it can always get better." ^^ It did get better, in case you were wondering.

The weather was really fabulous in Florida, but even if it wasn't, it was still better than what the temperatures were in Chiberia. I only went to the beach one day, and yes, I wore jeans. I'm not a beach girl. Whatevs. I just wanted to sit on the sand and look out at the horizon. Unfortunately, they are doing so much construction on the beach due to the erosion that was caused by storms/hurricanes that it took away from some of the ambiance.

While in Florida, I only saw three of my friends as I started to feel ill on the last full day in Florida. I was very thankful to see Joey, Sam, and Nathalie. I wish I could have seen more of my friends but again, I will be back more often so there will be time for that.

I did spend a lot of time with my nephews and niece, which was fantastic. I went to Disney World with the two little ones and we had a family freeze out...er...camp out. I really did enjoy the Florida leg of my trip and I was happy to be amongst my family again. While I was there, my paternal grandmother passed away, which rocked me. I wasn't expecting it at all and I had no idea how badly her health had been declining. There, of course, is no ill will toward my family for not letting me know about this. If any of them are reading this right now, I just want to stress the importance of communication. We only have one family. And if we cannot talk to this one family, what can we hope to accomplish? Families aren't perfect. They aren't meant to be, unless it is on some black and white TV show found on TV Land. My dear readers, talk to your families. Drop your ego and your pain. It doesn't define you. You are so much better than that. (Note: to victims of abuse, I am not saying that you should strike up a relationship with the person who abused you--but I am saying that you are more powerful than you think that you are. Do what you can to move past your pain and seek healing. I know this is not easy, but you will thank yourself, and you never know who you could inspire along the way.)

Anyway...Florida was fun and I was glad to break away from the snow. Once I got back to Chicago, I was ready to begin packing for the Seoul exodus, part II.

I had a nice day and a half spent with my mom before I headed back to Asia (only this time, without so many connections). The greatest thing about it was that my mom was pushing me to go through my old stuff at the storage shed that she and my father had saved for me. The statement, "I'll only be gone for a year!" resonated in the car as we drove down to the storage facility. We pulled bag after bag of clothes and shoes and brought them back to the house. As I opened each one, I was reminded of the fashion sense (if you could call it that--I'd venture to call it armor) that I had just three years ago. There were a plethora of hoodies of bands that I either don't listen to anymore or have broken up since I've been in Korea. There were so many pieces of clothing that just didn't fit me anymore--not physically, but spiritually. They belonged to some other girl. Some other girl that never thought she could be feminine or cared if she was well-dressed. The girl who was fine with being underdressed. I am not her anymore.

Did the Land of the Morning Calm change me that much?

Yeah. It did.

And it made it that much easier to throw those old rags away. I'm not that person anymore. And it felt so great.

I hope you are all able to shed some negative image of yourself this year as eel embark on 2014. It's not too late. Plus, with the lunar new year, you get a second chance! (It was just last week, so don't delay!)

Love and Light!

Reborn

Three years ago I stepped off a plane at Incheon Airport in Seoul, not knowing what I was exactly doing. Who I was then is certainly not who I am now. And I am forever grateful for that fact.

Weeks leading up to the initial departure of myself I had trouble breathing. I would be completely calm and then I would feel my heart begin to race. I couldn't take in sufficient oxygen to satisfy my lungs and I would stop and think, "what is wrong with me?"

I went to the Google doctor and diagnosed myself as having panic attacks. I didn't understand why I was panicking. Wasn't this what I had always planned on doing after I finished university? I was going to be reunited with two of my best friends from my adolescent-hood and I had planned to pay off my student loans, go on to grad school, then earn my doctorate like so many of my fellow English majors from Roosevelt University.

I realize now they weren't panic attacks. They were labor pains.

Well, not labor-labor pains. Allow me to explain.

I was about to be reborn. I was leaving the care of my mother and entering into a completely new world where I would have to fend for myself. Make friends. Learn a new language. Be misunderstood. Learn how to walk. Everything that goes along with a becoming a part of a strange, new society.

When I emerged from customs and saw Kat for the first time in years, we hugged. And like any newborn baby, I cried. I remember Kat asking me why I burst into tears. I just said that I didn't know. Because I didn't. I had no idea what was about to happen to me. Either did she. I don't think anyone knew, save for God.

The first years of childhood are all sorts of exciting. New places, new faces, it was all so fascinating. I knew from the first month of teaching that I wanted to be here as long as they would have me. I liked teaching. I liked being a part of an activist community (Mad love and respect for my V-DAY Crew).

I've learned much more about myself than I actually did in my real childhood. I learned how to live. How to love. How to be a better writer. A better teacher. A better human. These lessons were invaluable. And I'm still learning.

My mom would always tell me that getting a college education would provide me with the credentials I needed for my future. I used to think she was just trying to motivate me to finish school. In actuality, she was cheering me on to earn my own birth certificate. After all, I wouldn't be in Korea if it weren't for that piece of paper.

It's funny how everything is 20/20 in hindsight.

I won't say that there weren't missteps. There were always missteps. But with each stumble, I laughed. I didn't judge myself. And I picked myself up. My dad says that people don't count how many times you get knocked down, just how many times you don't get up. I thought I understood that as to never give up. To always get back up. And it is. But it isn't. I think the real truth is that even though we stumble, we should get up being thankful for it--because it brings you back to your goal. To your win. And when you accomplish what you came to do, someone will raise your hand and shout, "Winner!"

In fifteen days I will be heading back to Chicago and Florida for a month. Just a month. And I am excited to share who I was always meant to be with my family and friends back in the states. Much more that what blog posts, long distance phone calls, and status updates can bring.

But as excited as I am to get back to my family. I'm equally, if not more so, excited to get back to Seoul. My home.

Last year, I wrote a poetically written blog post about being in Korea. But as I set out to go back to the states after three years of living abroad, I know that Korea is not just a place where I am living. It is living inside of me.

Carrie Bradshaw, a fictional character--yes, I know; would always write about her great love. Not Big. Not Aiden. But New York City. She loved that city. And I totally understand her. Maybe I'll find an Aiden and a Mr. Big. But throughout all of it, I will always be in love with this city. My home. My Seoul.

Some say that true love is rare to find in this world. I don't know about that. What I do know is that, I hope all of you have a love like this. I hope you all have a place where you truly belong.

Finding my Shadow

I saw my shadow this morning as I was traipsing across the street to head to my favorite Starbucks to grade papers and enjoy a venti americano.

I don't normally enjoy looking at my shadow. It represents a false self. It lags behind, reminding me of who I once was, never allowing me to forget. I've hated my shadow for a long while. It was she who told me I wasn't pretty enough, thin enough, smart enough, good enough. But I never once stopped to consider who created my shadow. Who gave her life. Who was responsible for her. It was me.

I wasn't able to accept the sun shining upon me with its graceful rays, so I compartmentalized all the bad parts of me and forced them into my shadow, trying to shake her off. Never once did I stop to consider the weight of what I was doing. Instead of casting off my worries and false identity, I cast off a mile long shadow. I shoved my fears under the bed because that's where monsters are kept. And I became the princess and the pea, always feeling the uncomfortable writhing of my festering fears in the dark space between my floor and box spring. I pushed the skeletons into my closet, next to the ugly prom dresses and the cute coat I bought at a vintage thrift shop that I would "one day fit into," but never did. Everything else was consumed by the shadow. Anger. Hurt. Envy. And she took it, never once complaining.

She never once said no. She never sighed as I piled more and more upon her. She gave me the space.

Later, I learned that when you are dealing with a monster, you must give it space to be a monster. Only then can the monster transform into who he or she is meant to be. I viewed my shadow with contempt. I filled her with every evil part that has been a part of me. But she never judged. Never wavered. She gave the monster space. I was the monster.

So when I saw her today, I looked at her differently. She didn't look scary anymore. She didn't seem like a mass of darkness. She was me. She is me. And she is rather beautiful.

I took away her anger and her pain. I threw it away. I took her rags that i had clothed her in and dressed her warmly for these cold Korean winters. I told her I was sorry. She forgave me. And I forgave myself for virtually shitting all over me. For not finding worth within myself.

My shadow doesn't trudge along behind me anymore. She dances all around. In front of me, at my side, twirling behind me, I've even caught her twerking. (Don't tell her I told you that, she'd be embarrassed. Still, she rocks it.)

So today, Thanksgiving Day, I am thankful for not being who I was, for being a better person for others but more importantly, for myself. I am infinitely thankful to God, Jesus, and for the path He has me on. Even if it feels as if I am treading water, I know He is there to help me walk upon it. I am thankful for my amazing family, friends, and work family--both at E-Spirit and ProtoStar. I am thankful and grateful for you, dear reader. Maybe we know each other and maybe we don't. But thank you for allowing me to share my life, my thoughts, and everything else in between with you.


Happy Thanksgiving everyone. Love and Light to you all.

Sick in the ROK

Many, many years ago, my great grandmother was living in Boston and she happened to cut her arm. Because she immigrated from Greece, she didn't speak English very well, if at all, and she refused to go to the doctor because of her lack of communication skills...well, in English anyway. She also didn't trust them because they weren't Greek, but that is another story for another time.

So the cut got worse. And worse. Gangrene settled in. And they had to amputate her arm.

When my Yia Yia told me this, I scoffed. "Come on," I'd begin, "that was stupid! Because she was too afraid to go to the doctor, she had to lose an arm? That's ridiculous."

Oh how privileged I was. I had no idea what it was to be a foreigner in a new land, and trying to make it a home. I felt no compassion toward this woman who I was related to but would never meet. Until, that is, I became her.

Wherever you are living, and then contract some sort of illness or mishap with your body, it's never a pleasant thing. But being an American was was living in an English speaking country, it mattered very little to me. The only thing that weighed upon me was the cost of treatment. And, as you are all aware of, it still is an issue that weighs heavily upon most Americans.

And then I moved to Korea. To teach kids. Who are the cutest little germ carriers ever. Make no mistake, I am not calling out Korean children as being dirty or germ infested...all kids are. And some adults too. Eww. ^^

Now I am the stranger in a strange land. I am Helen Tournas with my arm cut and bleeding.

In my first year, I was sick every month. New hours, new job, new kids, etc. Just sinus infections--nothing serious.

Then came my first real illness in Korea. I had this massive sore throat that wouldn't go away. I went through all the normal troubleshooting techniques I've picked up over the years.

Growing up, we didn't have a whole lot of money, so I relied on homemade chicken soup and vitamin C. When we were REALLY sick, that's when we'd see the doctor.

So naturally, for this first bout with sickness, I drank hot tea, made gallons upon gallons of chicken soup, and the like. Finally, my head teacher called and made an appointment for me to go to an ear, nose, and throat doctor. The ENT doctor spoke English but his staff didn't really. I was so afraid in seeing a doctor because my Korean was not efficient enough for me to say "Here hurts." I know that I live in Seoul, in Gangnam (Yes, that Gangnam) for that matter, and that many people speak English here. That didn't take away my anxieties that seemed to harden like concrete around my feet.

So the diagnosis? I had an abrasion in my throat. No clue as to how it got there, but there it was. And all the hot liquid I was putting on it was making it worse. (oops!) So I drank lukewarm to warm water, took the antibiotics, and I was at right as rain.

I have since discovered the Itaewon International Clinic, which is where I always go now. The staff is polite and everyone speaks English. I am spoiled. Especially when my doctor visits are only about $2.50 and the medicine is less than $10.00. I am insanely blessed here.

It's not easy being a foreigner. But there are some things that definitely make it worthwhile. I just wish my great grandmother could have been as fortunate as I am now.