Day One.

So here it is. Day one of a new year. How did you spend it? Hungover? Yeah. Me too.


Oddly enough, I'm not unhappy about that. In years past I would be--why would anyone want to spend the entire first day of a new year throwing up, sleeping, barely eating, and with the most excruciating headache?


But I had a shift. And the shift is this: I purged. I purged out the person I used to be. The ugly parts that I hid and could never accept but still held onto it because I thought they would one day turn from the ugly ducklings they most certainly were, into beautiful and graceful swans. They didn't. So they had to go. I don't need to hold on to them anymore. The regret. The guilt. The sadness. They didn't made me humble. They made me miserable. They didn't turn me into a brooding artist. I was already the artist. They just used up my ink, wasted my paper, and refused to see it any other way. They had to go.

They won't be put out in the recycling to be turned into something else. They have been put into the incinerator. Burned and out of my life, forever.

Yes. I slept. I needed the rest. Because only when you are rested, can you wake up anew. Refreshed. Hopeful. Embracing this new day of this new year. I will no more listen to the voices would have whispered to me, "You wasted an entire day." No. I dreamed. I danced. I soared. And I woke up to find that the dream is reality. No more exhaustion. No more mental anguish. No more mulling over the things I could have done or said in the waking hours. And by the way, sleeping is AWESOME. ^^

Barely eating. I can see where I may lose you on this one. This has nothing to do with weight loss--although that would be a great segway to the health goals I will follow through with during 2013. This is about having a new stomach. It was empty, like a new box and I get to decide what to fill it with. I decided what will fuel me. What will give me sustenance. I have control. I have power. To be honest, I didn't have much of a say in today's particular meal. It is customary in the South (I was born in Georgia, ya'll...no accent though, don't get excited) to eat pork and greens. I didn't have much in the way of greens but I did have some donkatsu. So why the pork? There is a little superstition that Southerns hold to on New Year's Day. My mom actually posted this on FB:

New Year's day good luck meal; eat pork, why? Because the pig Never walks backward always goes forward! Eat oranges or fruits that are around symbolizing coins for prosperity. Eat black-eyed peas or lentils because they are around and symbolize money. Do not eat chicken or lobster -chickens have wings and fly away and so will your luck. Lobsters swim backwards.

I reminded her that Chickens also eat by scratching the ground and then back up to eat their meal. Cows stand still when they eat.
Now I suppose you could ask me about fish...and I'll tell you that I don't really like fish. So there's that. ^^ And for vegetarians? Are there vegetarians in the South? hehe Kidding. Kidding. No really. Are there?

And then there was the headache. The one that happens because alcohol dries you out and you need a plethora of water to rehydrate. To flush everything. And that was the reminder--it's time to flush it out, C. You have the ability. You have the resources. Drink it. That's all you have to do. It's so simple. It's always been simple--discovering a new path was always there. Sometimes you just don't want to see it. Sometimes you see it but think you aren't worth it. But you are. You really are.


So yeah. This is how I spent the first day of the rest of my life. How was it for you?

xox...
c

Oh...and a very Happy Happy Birthday to one of the best and brightest among us, Kathryn Bokyung Park! I love you to pieces! MWA!